September 19, 2013

Beyond the Blinds

"I try to pay attention, honestly I do. But outside the window I hear the sun calling to me, practically begging me to join her in her frolic. I want to give in. I want to join the blue sky in its search for freedom, and play catch with the clouds.

This room feels something like a prison, trapping me from all the things that my heart longs to do. Despite all of my attempts to keep my wandering brain focused on the matter at hand- I cannot truly listen of absorb the words that continue to slide over my head. I fail to find motivation as the grade I will receive from this class is my sole purpose for sitting here in the first place.

How I long to escape this cage! the blinds blocking the world from view only taunt my imagination- as I fins myself creating the view that I could see if the blinds rose. Anything could be on the other side, anything at all.

Here in this stifling room there is no space for magic, but beyond the blinds anything could be waiting. If I could only make a mad dash for the door- where I can see nothing but greens and yellows- but I cannot. I am trapped. Whether by my own foolishness or by the pressure from everyone around me, I do not know, but it hardly matters. The fact is all hope is lost, and the time for change has gone.... "

So, I wrote this today in school- (don't judge). The truth is, I am a nerd, and I do enjoy learning and taking (and passing) notes, and I love the influx of knowledge that school provides. But at the same time... Sometimes all I want to do is write, or read, and I can't stand sitting there hearing how many electrons are in each energy level. I can't help thinking to myself: "What does it matter?" I mean, I know it matters, and I know a lot of people care.

So I was just going to post the link to show where I got the picture from...
but this site cracked me up.
And confirmed my status as a Nerd. :D

Just, I don't. I won't use it after college, or after high school if I'm lucky, and I don't see why I need to do all these things that are keeping me from the one thing I really love: writing.

I read all these dystopian novels, (Hunger Games, The Giver, Divergent, 1984, etc...) and I see everything wrong with the supposed utopia that these people have created. And I can't help but wonder how much of the problems are already beginning in our society. It's easy for me to read the Giver and see the kids getting their jobs assigned to them and think that maybe there's a problem.

From here.

Yet I almost feel like people are planning out my future too. You're going to go to school, and you are going to take these classes, and you are going to go to college and you are going to get a job and learn how to drive and make money and have a family.

And I sometimes wonder how much of a say I get in the matter. Isn't it my life anyway? Or are we just a dystopia of our own, and we only think we get to choose. (Like the Choosing Ceremony in Divergent.)

Maybe none of it matters anyway.

Maybe I want to go through with this preplanned future anyway. I think I do most of the time.

But sometimes- all I want to do is write.

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