July 19, 2015


Second weekend in a row no post. I have so much to say and this time even have poems to share, but camp is just sapping my time and I really don't have time to post. It's really frustrating and one of the greatest challenges of the summer- having to learn how to do long distance relationships the old fashioned way- snail mail letters I send every week. It's so hard being out of touch with my family, not knowing what state they are in each day as they drive across Mexico and the USA to eventually land in Colorado. I've had to form a whole new system with my boyfriend and hear about the metal splinter in his eye days after the fact minutes at a time. Plus I have to survive with only ten minutes on the phone and three texted sentences from my best friend as she gets ready for a gymnastics competition which she's super stressed for. It's hard not to be able to comfort her.

So the lack of posts comes with the general lack of communication. But I  still here, still serving, diving into poetry since I don't have the time to concentrate on stories. It's been quite the summer. Exhausting and exhilarating and beautiful. I've seen a lot happen and gone through a lot of ups and downs and I don't know how I'll end the summer. But I know God is working and it's pretty cool to be a part of. 

July 5, 2015

Poetry in Love

I'm going to start with a poem. 

What if all we have ever wanted
Isn't hiding in some
secret and faraway dream
but inside of us now
as we breathe one another
and find home in the way
our arms always seem to fit
perfectly around the spaces
between us?
What if we are the answer
and love was the question? 
What if all this time
it was us you were supposed
to find? 
I am filled with wondering a 
questions and doubt
but of one thing I am certain:
it will always be you
that gives flight to the
butterflies inside me,
calm to the sea I have become
and hope to the darkness 
all around us. 
It is you and it has always
been you...
You that soothes and excites
and spreads joy like rainfall
on the already damp earth;
You that pulled me from the longest 
sleep and kissed my tired eyelids
If life is a question mark,
then you, my love, 
are the proud and bold period
that is typed with certainty. 

I got this book of poetry, Chasers of the Light, which probably I have already told you about, by Tyler Knott Gregson, and I cannot tell you how much I love to have my breath taken away by poetry again. Now I'm seeing poems in everything, the deer under the teepee in front of me, the blue blue sky, the sound of children's laughter. Luckily I bought a new notebook to go along with my urge to write poetry like oxygen. I feel as though Friday and Saturday this week lit me on fire with joy, and even in the small moments of darkness I am filled with hope. 

That isn't to say that my heart isn't still full of longing. Three weeks until I get to see my parents again. Five weeks until I get to see my boyfriend. I wish I could see my best friend in Mexico who I didn't even get to call on her birthday because of working here at camp. I wish the world wasn't all so big and so fascinating. I miss Mexico and I miss the countries I've never seen. 

But this next week is week five and I want to be content. Last week I survived an incomprehensible amount of drama among both campers and staff, and I tested out the limits of my patience in a lot of different ways. Not to mention I went to sleep an hour later than usual every night this week. But I also got to see some of the legacy of this camp. We advertised at a booth at some little Fourth of July fair and so many people came up to tell us what an impact this camp had made in their lives. Even the name of this camp, I'd-Ra-Ha-Je begs a question and answers it with a message of all this camp stands for. It's cool to see that what I'm doing here is helping to grow a camp that touches thousands of lives every summer. It's so cool to know that these kids are being taught that love is the answer- the ultimate hero. Love changes everything and while I realize that this poem was written for human love it also fits the love of God. He calms the storm that I've become, and he is the answer to the question mark of life. 

You can't get better than that, and as week five sweeps me off my feet and throws me in the dirt I want to laugh and smile and rely on love. It's all I can do sometimes. 

Also, speaking of love. My sister got a new puppy. The most adorable thing ever. I am in love.