August 31, 2015

The Chaos of A New Beginning

Tonight chaos lives in the folds of my mind.

I just finished my first day of sophomore year of college, and my thoughts are a colorful mess of chaos. I am not upset, not afraid, not depressed, I'm just overwhelmed. I get overwhelmed so easily.

There's just so much to think about tonight, or in college in general. There's the specifics. The curiosity about my  classes this semester, the professors, the classmates. I only had one class today and I don't know what to expect from the others. Or what to expect from this one even. The friendships. The "how do I avoid last year's problems" question which I still do not know how to answer. So far I've managed sleep before 11:00 every night, but I don't know how realistic that will be throughout the semester. Maybe. I have pretty high hopes and I think all my friends are willing to accommodate. They understand now how much I need sleep.

But then there's also this far away stuff. The "how am I ever going to pay for the next years of college?" I don't know if it's possible. There's the pressure I've given myself to get a second part-time job to help pay for next semester. The Wal-Mart representative at the Part-Time Job Fair was thrilled to talk to me. When he found out I was majoring in Professional Writing he even gave me all the specifics of how to move up in the Wal-Mart firm and eventually become manager or supervisor or something. I think he wanted me to dedicate the rest of my life to Wal-Mart, because it would make more money than writing. I didn't know how to tell him I just wanted a part time job. Five hours a week would do it.

I love the friends I've made here, and these last couple of days have been a lot of fun catching up after summer. Saturday night I had my roommate dye my hair with cheap Rite-Aid hair dye which the cashier forgot to charge me for anyway. The color was ten times darker than the color on the box, but I love it. It's different, and when I get too bored I like change.

Still, I can't help but remember how far away some of my other close friends are. The occasional phone calls just really aren't enough. It's rough having so much distance. I can point at a map and find at least ten places where there are people I wish could be here.

But, oh well. Life is life and I know that once I settle into the routine of things some of the chaos in my brain will also settle down and I'll be able  to think about one thing at a time. I know that I'm in college studying something that I love. I'll get to do a whole lot of writing this semester, and what better way to empty out the contents of my mind than by writing?

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