August 14, 2015

Beneath a Starry Sky

Tonight I wrote a thousand poems.

Tonight the stars lit a path for me as I walked alongside my boyfriend around the block, and then around another and another as one conversation slid into another and we talked about stories and creativity and college and family and disease and hope and friendship and futures. It felt so good to let loose. To share my fear with someone and then know as I spoke that somehow in the end everything will be okay. The walk was a poem. Every conversation was a poem. The careful way my hand fits into his while we walk is a poem.

When we said goodnight and he left me in my little trailer (life of a missionary kid. In one summer you can sleep in a thousand beds. This week has me in a trailer parked outside my sister's house with everyone else inside. A slight step up from the tent last week) I picked up my Bible and read a couple of chapters of my latest read: Jeremiah. The whole thing seemed to be about how terrible us people are. We really are. I don't blame God for being angry. But- throughout it all there's also this hopefulness. This knowing that there will be a return to God sometime. In some way. It's a tragic and yet beautiful poem.

And then there's this verse in 9:24 that says if people want to brag then they should brag about knowing and understanding God. And I'm like, but I don't understand God at all sometimes. He's too big for me. But then the verse goes on to say that He is kind and fair and does things that are right. And I do understand that. And I do want to brag about that. And that is perhaps one of the most lovely poems of all.

Last Sunday in church my pastor said that we were not created to serve God but to enjoy Him. And I love that. I can't do it right on my own. I'm not going to save myself no matter how good of a person I am. But I can enjoy God, and I do enjoy God. And He is so good. And when I step back and take a look at this life I live, well it's pretty stinking amazing and I am so full of all the wonderful poetry that has joined to form each and every day of my life. 

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