One Word at a Time

So I waited too long to write about Christmas break, and now it feels like I've been back in Burlington for years instead of just a week and a half. I'm tempted to ramble about how difficult Journalism class is or how much I enjoy Creative Writing or why in the world I'm taking Japanese.

But I think I'll go back to Christmas break, even if it's just to remind me that there are times in my life when I am so happy I don't know what to do with myself.

I started out the break with an amazing birthday party full of Scottish line dancing, and then I spent a few days in the mountains playing cards and going on hikes. I then went on an overnight hike to this gorgeous lake, and then I went to this retreat thing with a bunch of friends and we went on another hike. So yeah, I spent a lot of time outside, soaking up the beautiful sunshine.

I also spent a lot of time watching movies and random episodes of TV shows my dad, mom, and brother were watching. I had forgotten just how wonderful it feels to curl up on the couch with someone and watch a story unfold and just enjoy the presence of someone else.

Man, I miss that.

I got to see my boyfriend at least once a day for a whole month, which is so amazing considering it had been about four months since the last time I'd seen him. This time we only have to push through two months, though of course that will be more than long enough.

I also got to go on a little bike ride with my little brother, and I got to see how much he's grown up in the months I'd been gone. He's turning into quite the man now. I was amazed by how far he rides on his new birthday bike and how ridiculously daring or foolish or whatever he is.

And I don't want to talk about my parents, because today's been a good day and I've been smiling, and I don't want to mess that up by missing them too much. Moving out of the house is a lot harder than I thought it would be, but maybe that's only if you do it the way I did- yanking myself away completely and moving to another continent and then another country. I wish they were closer sometimes.

Unfortunately, as far as writing goes I really didn't do a thing. One poem for my boyfriend and a couple of ranting journal entries on the one or two off days. I didn't even open Equity Blue the whole month. I still haven't. Maybe this weekend I'll find the motivation to get back to Equity, but I'll allow myself to take the break and work on fitting into Vermont life again first. One thing at a time, life's too hard to do anything else. One step at a time, or more importantly in my case, one word at a time.

2:00 AM

I really should be asleep right now.

A year ago, there's no way I would even have imagined writing a blog post at 2:00am. No way. This is the time for sleeping and dreaming and NOT thinking. I mean, there were nights when the Whisperers kept me up until midnight, but that was a big deal. That was for days of intense inspiration and ink running through my fingertips in place of blood.

Now it's Friday night and I'm still awake, and I feel a strange sense of accomplishment. This is college. This is what college kids do: stay up at all hours of the night for no reason in particular.

But see, you've got to understand that I'm not forcing myself to stay awake to write a blog post just to say that I fell into the college stereotype of not getting enough sleep. I mean, for one, I can sleep in tomorrow. It's Saturday, my plans don't start until 1:00pm. See, this week has been a long one, and really hard. I've found myself curled up in bed fighting back tears almost every night, wishing I had someone to talk to, and yet knowing that whenever my boyfriend or sister did write to me I wouldn't actually tell them everything. I felt drained throughout the week, angry at myself for not feeling happy but too tired to do anything about it.
I started reading the Bell Jar and found my emotions put into words beautiful, way better than I ever could. And then I saw the character move even further, even deeper, and the easy, smooth transition terrified me. I felt stuck in a life that is so unclear right now and could go anywhere. I don't think I'll ever be able to comfortably go to New York City anymore, and I'm not sure I want to finish reading the Bell Jar.

But today something clicked. I guess God just decided that I had been sad enough, that it was time to answer my prayers of the week and give me a smile. He even gave me the snow I'd been asking for, and time alone when I prayed for it and friends to talk when I complained about being lonely. My God is a great God.

So now it's 2:00am and I feel more awake than I have all week. I feel alive again, and energetic, enthusiastic. I feel happy, no, not just happy. I feel joyful.

I don't know what happened, honestly. Something just clicked and feeling dragged down is just too much work. So tomorrow, if I can manage to wake up before 1:00pm... which seems a bit doubtful, I'll go for a bike riding in the morning sun. I'll go Christmas shopping and laugh as much as I possibly can and maybe write a poem about keys.

Because the book of my life is a good book, and it will have a happy ending. And if it takes staying up until 2:00am to figure that out, well then... this is college!

You Know You're A Writer When...

You know you're a writer when you turn your little Christmas village into a map of your world.

I love the little Christmas houses that I find all over stores each winter, and this year I've managed to keep them up until now, even with my mom's constant hints that I should put them away. I just, I really like my little Christmas village.

However, today, instead of taking them down, I turned them into a map.

See, I realized that I keep losing characters, and every time I start writing I have to take a little bit of time to figure out where everyone is. It would be so much easier if they always stuck together, you know?

And of course with time and major editing this shouldn't be a problem, because of course it would be terrible if the readers couldn't keep track of the characters, either. But in the meantime, I needed a way to keep them in track.

I was talking to my best friend, who also happens to be the person I discuss my writing problems with and the one who coached me in weapons for the first book, and he told me to make a map. He even offered to carve little wooden people for me to use, and I loved the idea.

But then today I saw the Christmas village, and, well, it works.

This is a terrible picture, but you get the idea, right?

Oh, and did I mention? Book two has 100 pages now. It's getting there, and I am so excited. Now today I get to go burn houses to get the Remnants out of Ciopal....

Hm, maybe I ought to avoid spoilers?

Anyway, what kind of you know you're a writer moments have you had?

Five Things I Love About Christmas

I love Christmas. Most people do, and the ones who don't usually have good reasons that aren't related to Christmas. We've been putting up Christmas Decorations and listening to Christmas Music, and I am so excited because I love this season. So, here's why:

1. The Christmas Story.
    -As a Christian, I love rereading the story in all the Gospels of Jesus' birth. Yes, I've heard all the people that say that Jesus probably wasn't born in December. I know that December 25th was actually the date of a Pagan mystic celebration, and someone decided to take over the Pagan holiday and make it Christian. But that doesn't matter to me. I just love that this month is a time to celebrate Jesus and his arrival in Earth as a human baby when he could have ruled from Heaven as a king. How cool is it that he left everything just to come here for us?

2. Nativity Sets
   -This is basically the same reason as the one I mentioned above. But I love collecting nativity scenes and I love looking at all the little Baby Jesus figures. Someday, when I have my own house, I'll have a house full of nativities.

3. Christmas Decorations
    -I am one of those people that likes to turn up Christmas music and dance around putting ornaments on the tree and lights around the inside and outside of the house and cutting out paper snowflakes and putting up my Christmas village. I love the feeling of Christmas that comes along with decorations; everything just feels so warm and cheerful and peaceful.

4. Christmas Cookies
    -Okay, come on. Who doesn't like Christmas Cookies? (I made Sugar Cookies today!)

5. Celebration Atmosphere.
    -I'm sure this is partly because my siblings and I all have birthdays right around Christmas, so December is like a major party month. Plus, this month I've got all the birthdays coupled with my graduation, so double party there. Plus, Christmas also means Christmas break, and lack of school is always a reason to celebrate.

Chaos and Christmas

I know, I know. 
I haven't been on in ages, and this poor blog has been hopelessly abandoned.


I went on a cruise this Christmas, and spent Christmas Day in Jamaica. Good thing God is everywhere. It was great overall, and I did a lot of new things, such as parasailing and scuba diving and touching sting rays. (Which feel incredible slimy and gross, by the way.)

I also went to Florida, and North Carolina, and then finally came back to Oaxaca in time for a paintball game with some of my friends and a couple movies and multiple coffee dates. Overall, a fantastic vacation, and I wish I had more time to tell you more about it.

However, book two has been started, which I'm sure I've mentioned many, many times, and is now over 80 pages long. I'm excited to get it down on paper, although I have to admit that writing this book hasn't been easy. These characters are stubborn, you know, and they'll have their way whether I want them to or not.

Honestly, you have no idea how much I've argued with some of them. Especially regarding romance, with all of the trying to pair off even though they know that it is completely outside of character and irrelevant to the story. They try anyway, and I'm barely keeping them away from each other's throats.

The Remnants are fantastic, though, and I wish I could give more time to each of them. They are all developing splendidly, and they deserve an applause.


I also have no school for the next few months, which means a lot of time for writing, Or for meaning to write and then procrastinating or getting frustrated and not writing after all. Still, time is time and I am so grateful that now I can write when I want to instead of having to write complaining poetry in my journals.


Oh, that reminds me that I am now a Junior Moderator of that site I mentioned once or twice, The Young Writers Society, which as far as I'm concerned just means that my name is written in Green letters instead of Blue and I have some new special powers that I haven't quite figured out yet.

Well, there's a ridiculously quick summary, and probably still too long.