Zarzamora Hunting

So this poem is incomplete, but I feel like all my thoughts today have been incomplete. Time is passing slowly and quickly and all at once and not at all and it all feels very strange.
Today I walked down to Church St. (Still sunshine, Praise the Lord!) and got a free Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Cone. I have no idea what flavor they gave me... I just asked for something with a lot of peanut butter. Whatever I got was delicious.
But I've also today been looking forward to spending the summer with my favorite sister. I called her today panicked about insurance stuff and frustrated and emotional, and from the way I asked her whether I needed a witness to sign she was able to figure out all of that and tell me to take a deep breath and smile. I love her so much and I cannot wait to see her in three weeks!!!
So anyway, this very incomplete collection of thoughts which will count as a poem in order to fulfill my April goals, is all about her.

Zarzamora Hunting

The taste of blackberries on my tongue
makes my face cringe with the sour
and the memory of your eye-
red and squinty-
because you leaned too far
while reaching for that berry.

We used to dye our shirts blue
as we pulled the edges into baskets
to collect enough to
"make a pie,"
but back at home
we only ever brought stained fingers
and one or two uneaten moras.

We got a thousand cuts
from climbing through those thorns
and had to hop barbed wire fences
and climb trees.
But we found hidden forts,
made the forest our playground.
Mom saw messy clothes
and your red eye,
but we knew: the zarzamora dew was magic.

College Hugs

Poem number three. I actually wrote a couple with unsatisfactory results, and I'm still not quite happy with this one, but I need to put something up and this comes a little bit close. I think part of why I don't want to post this one is because I hate saying that I'm homesick again. I don't want my mom to read this and feel sad for me or worried about me or sad because she misses me too.

But I am getting through college and it's good. Today got up to the sixties and the sun came up and the wind went down and I walked down to the lake and sun-bathed with a few friends beside the lake. It was nice. It's good to know Spring is coming, even though tomorrow is predicted snow. Still... warmth is coming, and I have hope that the cold won't last too much longer.

I'm also getting closer to coming to terms with the classes for next semester even with a few anxious moments of classes not being offered and favorite professors leaving. I think next semester will be a good one anyway as far as classes go. And I got registered for housing, which is fantastic considering about 100 people got stuck wait-listed because my college doesn't know how to count.

Anyway, here's a poem for April 3rd.

College Hugs

I made a blanket today.

It doesn't feel much like home,
but it's soft,
and I can curl up and pretend like it's a hug.

Of course I don't want a real hug
from a real person
and I kind of pull away from touch today,
like I'm afraid of emotion.

I guess sometimes a mom-hug
just is not the same
and all I have is this blanket.

Trust and Fear

I wish I could say that if I was part of the factions from Divergent I would be Dauntless, but the truth is I'm somewhat of a coward.

I like to think that I'm brave, after all, I'm on my way to Europe, right? But the truth is this trip terrifies me whenever I let myself think about it for too long. I mean, this train from Stuttgart to Frankfurt to some town I'll never be able to pronounce, it's sounding pretty scary at the moment. And then another train to that other town and then that airplane and that train and....

I know my trip will be awesome. Don't get me wrong; I am so excited beyond words. And I know that my whole life's story has already been preplanned and prewritten and I know it will all work out and it will all be awesome. But sometimes I just wish I could peak ahead a few chapters...

Of course, while in some ways it would be nice to just go to Europe and get the worst part over with, I'm also so glad that I got to have this time to calm down and destress before I leave. There was just so much going on and so much that I had to think about, and I guess in some ways there still is, but it doesn't seem as big of a deal here hanging out with my sister. Everything's just been a lot of fun and a great chance to relax.

(Although at the moment she's doing her homework and her husband is back from the Police Academy for the weekend and also doing a lot of homework, so the atmosphere in the room isn't actually very relaxed at the moment.)

But I'm loving this break and loving being back in Colorado. I missed this place, and I missed my sister.

(Oh, and in case you didn't guess from my opening; I did see Divergent this weekend, and I approve. It was pretty great, I think.)

How To Change The World

Or How the World Is Changing You.

I'm sure by now you've gotten sick of hearing about college and all these up coming changes, but I just need to rant a little more.

I have plane tickets! I'm going back to Colorado to visit my lovely sister and then to Europe. I'm going to Europe. Wow.

It feels like my life is becoming my life. Like, sure, it's been my life, obviously, but up to now so many other people have been making the decisions for me and I haven't done very much on my own. I'm not a very independent person and I would rather go with the flow than do something on my own.

But now I have no choice, because the "flow" is all over the place and suddenly I'm leaving all my friends and family behind and I have to be on my own.

The world is mine right now and I have to figure out how I'm going to change it.

I guess I'll start with writing, because that's what I know how to do and love to do. Draft One of Book Two is finished, and although I'll have to put it on hold until my life at least somewhat settles down, I'm still really excited to have it done. I wonder what Book Three will end up looking like?

And maybe these books won't be read by more than a few people and maybe I'll never get published, but I know that I want to change the world, and I think the only way for me to start is through words. I'll get there eventually.

And until then I'll let the world change me. I'm going to travel like crazy and learn everything I can from every part of the globe. I want to see the world and explore the universe. After all, I can't change the world if I don't know what the world is, right?

So wish me luck, and I'll do my best to keep dropping in with updates as the travels begin.