New Blog

My blog has moved:
https://caijobetweenthepages.wordpress.com/
Sorry for the hassle but please come follow me on WordPress!

(I'm super bad with technology. At some point there may be an automatic redirect to send you straight to the real blog but in the meantime here's the link.

Poetry and poetry and poetry

Oddly enough, one of my homework assignments over the weekend was to create a Tumblr account. I went through all the steps and tried to make this great site, because I've always thought Tumblr was kind of a ridiculous and pointless thing. (Like most of social media.) I don't understand what's different about it from, say, Pinterest. You follow accounts with things you like and share the posts you love. I don't get it.

But, I've decided that since I have to make this Tumblr account anyway I need to try to use it. So my plan is to create this poetry blog thing. I have such a hard time sharing poetry with anyone except my boyfriend, but I have notebooks and notebooks full of poetry.

Sidenote: I just recently bought a new notebook for poems. It's called a de-construction journal and it's spineless so it stays open really nicely. It has the best paper and the cutest cover and I've been dying to start writing in it. I have four pages left in my old poetry notebook though, so I'm trying so hard to practice self-control and not break out the new notebook yet.

I love writing poetry. It's the easiest way for me to think through things. It's how I understand life. How I decide what's important to me. How I share my emotions and my fears and my passions. So I just think it's ridiculous to have three full notebooks of poetry and no one to ever read them.

This one part of me is really optimistic and thinks I'll just become the most famous poet and publish all of my poetry, in which case I wouldn't really want to have my best work floating around online. But then at the same time I have all these poems that are good but not great. And even if I don't see any literary magazines accepting those poems I'd still like to share them with someone. So... Tumblr.

I'll see if I can gather up a following of fellow poet lovers. Maybe some of them will have awesome advice for me to improve those few gems that I don't publish online but save up for sending out to Lit Mags.

Also I think I've written about how obsessed I am with stars. My professor suggested I gather up all my star poetry and make a chapbook with a star theme. I absolutely love the idea and I'm so thrilled to have a project and a way to make all my star poems come to good use. A lot of them are just repeats, but I think there's some potential and I would absolutely love to have my own little star poetry book. 

Chaotic

I love the word "chaos." Call me crazy, but it's just such a great word. It sounds nice, it looks nice written down, it's definitely so perfectly captures so many moments for me.

I have a quote in front of my desk by Nietzsche that says: "You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star." I love this quote, partly because I love chaos and I love stars. (My poetry professor read a poem and commented that he had seen a few poems of mine with great lines about stars. "You should combine these poems into a star-themed chapbook," he told me.  I love the idea and I think it will be a project this semester.)

My life is chaotic. Disorder; total confusion. I suppose "total" might be a slight exaggeration, but there definitely is disorder and chaos. I've only had a week of my fourth semester but it's going to be intense. I am taking 6 classes and working an average of 15 hours of week. I'm in the midst of starting a literary magazine. And someone I still sleep eight hours a night and have friends. 

This week was a mess of trying to figure out my schedule, spending the time to map out a whole Google Calendar to try and stay organized. Now I have a weekend with no concrete plans and it's beautiful. I'm hoping to get homework done for the entire week, if possible, because I know that once the week starts I won't have any time for anything except running from place to place.

But... the chaos is kind of nice too. I'm so stoked about my classes this semester. Children's Literature, Creative Non-Fiction, Intermediate Poetry, Heroes and Heroines, Writing Portfolio, and Songwriting. They're all so interesting with super unique and crazy and talented professors and with assignments I'm already excited about. They're so worth it.

I got to meet with my favorite professor this week to ask for my poetry anthology from his class last year and to tell him about my literary magazine. He was a blast to talk to, as usual, and I left the office feeling so happy. While me and a couple friends were there he asked us, "is this school good?" The question broke my heart because I don't want to even consider the possibility that he could leave. But I had to answer that it is. This year and a half of college has not been easy. Vermont is cold. My boyfriend, my close friends, and my family are all impossibly far away. I could have left by now if I wanted to. (Trust me, I have thought about it.) But I haven't left, and at this point I kind of know that I'm not going to. I have too many amazing friends here. There's too good of a writing community. I've had too many amazing classes and professors. I have to acknowledge that this is a good school, for all its chaos.

A New Year

Welcome to 2016! I am hopeful and excited for this upcoming year. I have great faith that it will be absolutely wonderful. I even have a feeling that this will be a great year for me as a writer. I'm slowly gaining confidence to be able to submit work to lit mags, and I'll be starting a lit mag of my own this year. I'm stoked. Plus, my mom is getting published this year, which is awesome.

Of course, it's also going to be a busy year. I've spent the past two days sitting around watching TV all day and reading, but I really don't think this start of the year will be at all indicative of the rest of the year. Next semester I'll be taking six classes, working two jobs and running a literary magazine. I'm not completely sure if I'm just an overachiever or if I'm actually just a fool.

So, I'm really not one for resolutions. I think the whole idea of resolutions sounds like an excuse. Like, if there's something you want to change just change it. Don't wait for the new year. But... I'm going to write out some goals anyway, so that if I get bored at some point this year I can look at this post and be reminded of what I hoped to accomplish.

One: I'd love to have a poem published. Which means that I need to seriously work on poetry editing and I need to continue to build up that confidence and actually submit poems to be published.

Two: I'm going to be more intentional about this whole happy thing. I've been working on this one for years, but it's a continued goal. I'm going to keep working on optimism and looking at the bright side and finding reasons to be joyful.

Three: I really want to get more involved in my church. I'm hoping this year my schedule will work out so that I can join a small group. I just want to really feel like I'm a part of my church family.

I guess I should have thought about this more before writing. I can't think of anything else. Oh well, I tried. Here are my fabulous New Year's resolutions.

Now I get to go pack because one of my closest friends is coming to pick me up for a few days. I'm super excited. At some point I'll need to write a post about this Christmas break. I've been all over the place. It's crazy. I'm going around in circles. It's been great, but slightly chaotic and very bad atmosphere for writing.

Ah well, happy new year!