Willard and Maple Underground

I have recently learned the news that my school's student run literary magazine has been cancelled for reasons that no one seems to be at liberty to discuss. The news breaks my heart.

I learned about the magazine, Willard and Maple, from my advisor and later on favorite professor during orientation, and I fell in love with the idea. I became a member of the editorial board and got to read an review poems as well as decide whether or not to put them in the magazine. I'm sure I blogged about it plenty, but it was just such a highlight of my freshman year.

This year class schedules conflicted and I wasn't able to attend the Willard and Maple class, but I recently found out that the submissions have been closed, the class cancelled, and now I hear that the magazine itself is permanently cancelled.

I even submitted a few poems to Willard and Maple at the beginning of this year. It was such a huge step to send my work out to a literary magazine that would actually publish it, only to find out that apparently no one is even going to read those poems. It's heartbreaking.

A couple of my friends and I are trying to figure out how to make an underground version of the magazine. We all love this school because of opportunities like Willard and Maple. It was a publication for poets and fiction writers, and it was a huge chance to grow as an editor. When I emailed to ask for details I got a basic, "I can't tell you any details but there's nothing you can do."

I refuse to believe there's nothing I can do. Somehow I'm going to get Willard and Maple to stay alive, even if that means creating a poetry themed blog for Champlain students. It won't be the same, but anything to keep publishing Champlain poetry and give ourselves a chance to be in control of something. I refuse to give up.

April Means Poems

Hey folks!
Guess what? Today is April First! (As marked by the dressers stacked in front of my roommate's closet and the stuffed version of her sitting on the bed with a ransom note for kidnapped stuffed animals.)

However, aside from pranks, April First means the beginning of Poetry Month. Last year I wrote a poem a day throughout April and then missed April 29th and was devastated. So this year I'm giving it another go, but with one pretty big adaptation.

I will be posting a poem a day onto this lovely blog. So most of the time I'll post whatever poem I wrote that day. But there's a good chance I'll write something I really like and may even consider publishing, in which case I will not put it up. On those days I'll probably put up another poem from some published poet to replace my own work, because there are just so many beautiful poems in the world.

So anyway, without further ado, the first poem of April 2015:

Growing Up and Doing My Own Laundry

I

Am alone today,

Just me and a camel, owl, knight, lizard, lego-ninja

Sitting here in this messy room

Wishing we could just stay kids.

Everything in adult life

Feels much too complicated,

Trying to eat dryer sheets

While I fold myself inside the washer

I never could quite fit.

But today there’s a list,

One of the many I scribble out every day,

To do today:

What I need to get done:

Work:

Homework:

Do These:

And I have

Three out of twelve crossed off

And don’t want to do the rest.

I need to wash my clothes,

But three dollars is so much

And the basement is so far from the second floor.

I’ll do it tomorrow,

Or the next day.

Maybe this weekend.

It’s funny that a poem

Counts as work for this list,

But I guess I can’t complain.

I’m alone today,

And stuffed into adulthood

 that doesn’t fit

And that’s just how life is

And I don’t get to play with toys

And be a little kid.

I just have to watch the camel

And write this poem.

Future

What does the future look like?

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Unfortunately, there is no one size fits all equation to sow exactly what your future will be like. It would be kind of nice if there was. Sometimes I think that life should be a little more like calculus, just without the homework.

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I know I've been going on and on about the future lately, but it's kind of important. I wouldn't say that I am a person who must have things planned and has organized little agendas and calendars and stuff. In fact a lot of the time I would rather not have any plans at all.
But... when I do make plans for something, then I want everything to go the way it's supposed to. I don't like plans that fail. Not at all.

So I'm a little bit hesitant to keep on making all of these plans for things that seem so far away. I mean, I grew up not necessarily knowing what country I would live in the next year.

Now I'm supposed to be making all these plans to travel Europe and study in England.
And on top of that, I'm supposed to be making plans for what college to go to. For the next four years. What? Four years? I can't even grasp the idea of so much time spent in one place.
And then there is the idea of publishing, and my future as a Writer.

Two nights ago I stayed up until 1:00 reading Shadow Whispers, and successfully finished editing the fourth draft. Which means that now I am happy with it, and want to send it out and see about getting published. I promise you this will not be easy. I don't even know how to start this whole process.

I just feel like there is so much piling up over me. So many decisions I have to make. So many opportunities I can jump on. So many plans I need to work on.

I can't say that I'm stressed, just a little bit overwhelmed.

It's confusing, and sometimes overwhelming, and always exciting.

A Penny For My Thoughts

Sometimes I don't even know what thoughts are going through my head. I don't know if you've ever felt that way, where it feels like you are just thinking too many things and so they all cancel out and your mind ends up completely empty. And yet all the other thoughts are still racing around just behind that wall of emptiness, and you can't catch any of them. I think this feeling is frustrating. I like to go through my days with clear and concise thoughts that flow together in some form of organization with clear transitions from one thought to another.

Kind of like writing.

(PS: I've never been very good at the whole stream of conscious writing thing. Like I said, I like organization and clear formatting.)

So today I am going to attempt to catch some of my thoughts and force the little trains to ride on the right track in the right direction. Let's pray for no collisions.

Picture from here.

October is coming up, and it's coming up fast.

So what?

Well, a year ago, I first started writing Shadow Whispers in the month of October. I wrote for three months. Stopped and did major editing for three months. Gave it out to people to read for two months. Worked on draft three for two months, and am hoping to finish up with the fourth draft by the end of these last two months.

Which means I'll be done in a year.

And I get to send the Whisperers out to visit some publishers.

And then I'll probably need to go back through with a fifth draft, maybe even more.

The thought terrifies me. But it's also exciting.

I mean, what if I actually do get published???

I don't know why the idea of being published sounds so scary to me right now. Maybe I have it all wrong. (Come on, trains, I told you to stay on the right track!)  Maybe the thing I'm scared of is not ever getting published. But somehow, I think maybe the first thing was just as true as the second. Writing is just a scary process altogether.


Okay, switching trains completely. My dearest older sister's wedding pictures are out! She looked so incredibly gorgeous and amazing and lovely and happy, and she and her groom looked absolutely perfect together, even with a foot of height separating them.

(I wish I could post a picture for you, but unfortunately I was not married and do not have access to the pictures. Sorry!)


And the next train, S or W? As I mentioned in the "Pages and More Pages" page up at the top there, I'm reading Scarlet Letter for school. And for a project we are going to each wear a letter that represents us attached to our clothes somehow. And my first thought was W, but now I'm worried that a W is just too obvious. So should I represent myself as a Writer or a Storyteller? Any thoughts?



And from here.

And here.

Hm. I don't know if I have any more trains left to jump on. Well, I'm sure I could find plenty if I dig around in my brain long enough. But none blog worthy, I don't think.

Oh, PE. We're playing football (which I have hated with a passion all the other years we played) but now all the "good" players are graduated, and I'm one of the oldest kids in class. And somehow, maybe just because I've played football every year for the last three years in PE, somehow I'm one of the better players. (What??! That NEVER happens. With any sport. Ever.)
But anyway, I'm the quarterback!! Yay me, right! Wish me luck, and pray that I don't make a fool out of myself, and can at least get one good pass.

And here.

Enough trains for today. I need to go and get ready for school.