Refreshing Breaks

It's been a week since I drove up to Niagara Falls for Thanksgiving Break. Feels like it's been a day or a year. I gathered together four friends, one of whom had a car, and we crossed the boarder into Canada and drove eight hours toward the Niagara area.

Plans never quite work out, so we ended up stopping at the Toronto airport where I was dropped off to go search for my boyfriend and his family. He stepped off the plane just after I got dropped off, so in the end it worked. Then we all drove down to his parents' house and ended the night with hot soup and a movie.

The break was amazing. I felt so relaxed and smiled so much. At one point Friday night I was just feeling tired and was worrying about whether or not everything was going well, but my boyfriend was right there beside me and was able to point to my friends, who were all laughing like crazy over some toy in a Christmas Shop, and assured me that they were having fun, that his parents were enjoying the company, and that it was a good trip. He then pulled me into a room lit up on all sides with Christmas lights and moving paintings of candles, and we pretended to know how to waltz.

That evening we played Camouflage and Lave Monster on a little playground and we realized that there's a huge difference in the endurance levels of elementary school kids verses college students. We all woke up sore the next morning.

We got to do a lot of hiking, through different sections of the Bruce trail, beside the train tracks that passed the house, along the strip of river leading up to Niagara Falls. Everything was beautiful, and breathtaking, and I was able to forget about school.

Well, other than to check emails and find that my professor had graded a huge group project (A!) and then to consider reading the non-fiction pieces I would have to workshop as soon as I was back on campus. I got a few sentences into one all about anime, drugs, and sex and decided not to keep reading. So instead we played another round of Dominion and laughed some more.

It was beautiful, and wonderful, and I can't wait to go back in just two weeks. So close! I cannot wait to see my boyfriend again, and his family, this time including his sister who's getting married! I'm so excited for her and so excited to see her.

Now I just need to figure out how to push through this last week of classes and the week of finals and finish up the semester well. Easier said than done I'm afraid...

Every Day New

Today I am jet-lagged even though I only traveled through two time zones. I'm not sure whether to think "I woke up at 5am which would equal 3am here in Colorado," or "it's 9:30 which would be 11:30 in Vermont." Either way I'm tired, but I showered in a beautiful non-communal bathroom and am about to sleep on one of the world's most comfortable beds (I think this one is third best. The first is in Mexico City and second is also in Colorado at a different house.)

It's crazy to think that every break in the last two years have put me in a different place. The amount of places I've been blessed to visit are getting close to uncountable. This morning I read a post from my teacher about displacement and I wondered if I even count as displaced. Where was I displaced from? I don't think I really belong anywhere, and I don't think there's anywhere where I don't belong. I find a new place and I love it. I guess this is a part of who I am, who I became through a series of chipping moves that have taken me all over.

Yeah, it's hard and sometimes I complain and wish it was different. But in reality I would not want it any other way. I hope my parents know how grateful I am that they've taught me to belong in every part of this world. This world is not my home, but I think it's sort of a copy, or a shadow, and I love all of it, even if sometimes I forget to love it.

But I will say one thing. While I always find an attachment to the places I visit- there's always something about Colorado. The smell of sage. The lit up cross on the mountain. The blue green pines. The wildlife. The flowers. The red rocks and pink sand. This place fills my lungs with air even if I know in reality the altitude is probably taking my breath away. (I'm making sure to keep my inhaler near. No more asthma attacks this year.)

Colorado, this little mountain town specifically, give "home" another meaning which I am almost afraid to pay attention to. This is the place we always come back to. The place that waits for me with arms open in the form of an unbelievable blue sky. No matter how long I'm away coming to Colorado is always coming back. It's like laying my head down on that old pillow in my room after a long trip. Just in this case the pillow is not mine, nor the room, and the trip lasted for more than a year.

Still, this is my coming back. This is where I'm safe, and the closest I will ever know to coming home. 

Doesn't Work

And I missed a third day...
I was so excited to write something and I just don't know what happened. I think sometimes life is just too hard. Blog posts get moved out of priority positions.

Yesterday was my last day of normal classes. I made it through this semester somehow. After class and work I went to our school's "Spring Meltdown" festival, even though I still have yet to see the sun other than those two beautiful days way back where. The festival was held in the gym instead of the lawn outside because it was too cold.

I got cool fake tattoos but everyone knows me too well and I couldn't trick anyone into believing they were real. I also went to the Christian Club's end of the year party and ate spaghetti and talked to people while the majority of the group challenged each other over Smash.

Today has been Skype calls and failed attempts at packing while keeping my sanity intact.

My brain
doesn't
even work.
Pieces all over.
I
try to hold
on
but

everything is chaos
and the clothes
on the floor
just don't fit.

I'm leaving again.
Again.
Again.
Don't even count the times
and my life is
all over.
doesn't even work. 

Spring Break!

Last week I got a beautiful break from campus chaos. I got to go visit my amazing boyfriend and his family in Texas for a week of not so bitter cold and less obligations.

Granted, I did get all kinds of sick half way through my week, and rather than relaxing and resting from school I ended up resting because I had no choice and couldn't muster the energy to get up off the couch.

However, I should point out that I wasn't sick enough to lose card games, and still managed to beat my boyfriend in almost every card game we played. I didn't quite win at Nertz, but I was close second. And when my boyfriend and I teamed up for a game of Settlers of Catan, we totally destroyed the other players in our wonderful victory.

I was hoping for a really dramatic exciting post about the break, but in reality we didn't do anything dramatic. I spent a lot of time playing cards, and several hours curled up next to my boyfriend in the car, and we watched lots of movies and episodes of Parks and Recreation, and just enjoyed finally being in the same place again.

It's so good to be in the same place, and without school in the background and without homework and classes to tear us about before we can have a full conversation. I definitely wish the break had been longer than just one week. I could use another break already.

The whole week was wonderful (besides the sickness) but one of my favorite memories from the week was Thursday morning. My boyfriend's whole family and I were staying in this weird little hotel-like thing for missionaries, and we had to wake up early to go to the next place where we were going to stay. Once we were awake we had to wait for about an hour for a load of wash to finish.

This was right at the beginning of my sickness, and I wasn't feeling great but trying to suppress the sickness and pretend like I was okay. Anyway, my boyfriend made me a giant mug of coffee and we sat down on the couch to wait. (Sitting next to him on the couch is one of the most comfortable things in the world.) And anyway, he said that he had come into the room late the night before after working on job applications and such, and had been laying there trying to sleep and feeling annoyed at the array of snoring in the room when all of a sudden across the room I giggled in my sleep (something I actually do rather frequently) and he "fell asleep smiling like a fool".

For some reason hearing him tell me that I laugh in my sleep was one of the cutest things, and then we sat and talked about the Bible story I had read that morning and other strange Bible stories and verses hidden in the pages of the Bible and I just love talking to him so much.

He is one of those people I can sit next to in silence and still be bubbling with happiness, but he's also one of those people I can open up with and talk to about anything. Talking to him feels so easy compared to other people. So normal.

And coffee, well coffee in the morning is just wonderful. It makes everything better.

So, now I've finished my gushing, cheesy post.

I just had a wonderful week with a wonderful man and I can't help but gush a little bit and remind myself of that happiness now that I'm back in this cage of college.

And writing? Well, let's just say Equity will take a turn, and I may actually end up facing the Whisperers again for a while instead of Equity Blue. Is that crazy? That's crazy, isn't it? But, hey, sometimes a writer has to do what a writer has to do.

One Word at a Time

So I waited too long to write about Christmas break, and now it feels like I've been back in Burlington for years instead of just a week and a half. I'm tempted to ramble about how difficult Journalism class is or how much I enjoy Creative Writing or why in the world I'm taking Japanese.

But I think I'll go back to Christmas break, even if it's just to remind me that there are times in my life when I am so happy I don't know what to do with myself.

I started out the break with an amazing birthday party full of Scottish line dancing, and then I spent a few days in the mountains playing cards and going on hikes. I then went on an overnight hike to this gorgeous lake, and then I went to this retreat thing with a bunch of friends and we went on another hike. So yeah, I spent a lot of time outside, soaking up the beautiful sunshine.

I also spent a lot of time watching movies and random episodes of TV shows my dad, mom, and brother were watching. I had forgotten just how wonderful it feels to curl up on the couch with someone and watch a story unfold and just enjoy the presence of someone else.

Man, I miss that.

I got to see my boyfriend at least once a day for a whole month, which is so amazing considering it had been about four months since the last time I'd seen him. This time we only have to push through two months, though of course that will be more than long enough.

I also got to go on a little bike ride with my little brother, and I got to see how much he's grown up in the months I'd been gone. He's turning into quite the man now. I was amazed by how far he rides on his new birthday bike and how ridiculously daring or foolish or whatever he is.

And I don't want to talk about my parents, because today's been a good day and I've been smiling, and I don't want to mess that up by missing them too much. Moving out of the house is a lot harder than I thought it would be, but maybe that's only if you do it the way I did- yanking myself away completely and moving to another continent and then another country. I wish they were closer sometimes.

Unfortunately, as far as writing goes I really didn't do a thing. One poem for my boyfriend and a couple of ranting journal entries on the one or two off days. I didn't even open Equity Blue the whole month. I still haven't. Maybe this weekend I'll find the motivation to get back to Equity, but I'll allow myself to take the break and work on fitting into Vermont life again first. One thing at a time, life's too hard to do anything else. One step at a time, or more importantly in my case, one word at a time.

Roustabout

A Roustabout is someone who lives by chance.

I learned this from a guest speaker in my Professional Writing class, a man that told us his crazy life story with a banjo, a guitar, Polish bagpipes, a love flute, and a stick of hobo signs.

While I'm not quite at the point of applying for a grant to learn bagpipes in Poland or sitting in a sweat lodge to earn the right to learn to play the love flute, I like to think that I've kind of lived a life of chance anyway. It's not like I've done anything off the charts crazy, not exactly, I've just been incredibly blessed by incredible opportunities.

In two weeks I go back to Oaxaca, Mexico, a place I've come to think of as my 'home away from home' or 'home here on Earth'. It's a place that stole my heart and makes me dream of cacti and rain on dry dirt. It's the place where I'll get to see my family again after way too long, and the place where some of my best friends will get the chance to meet up again. I can't wait to go back, and even though I still have 12 days to wait I don't know if I'll have the chance to blog again before then because finals and projects and Christmas parties.

So here's the facts. Ten months ago (ten by the time I get back in a couple weeks) I left Oaxaca. Since then life has swept me off my feet and carried me across the world. If you had asked me a year ago, when I turned 18, to predict my 18th year, I would have painted an awesome picture, but it wouldn't have come anywhere close to how crazy and amazing this year has actually been.

I have sat through 15 plane rides since that first flight out of Mexico City. Granted, this includes those little connection flights that leave me stranded in airports because they're always delayed. By the time I get to Mexico again there will be another 3 flights thrown into the mix.

I have taken 10 train rides.

Only 5 coach rides (a coach is different than a bus, a coach is for long distance and is usually bigger; buses are short around the city and I am definitely not going to take the time to count those up).

And probably spent more than 100 hours in a car. I wasn't going to add this up either, but on at least 5 different occasions I went on a car ride that was longer than 5 hours, so that's 25 hours, plus countless 2 or 3 hour drives and then all those minutes added up... you get the point.

In 10 months I have stepped in 9 different countries, 7 of which I'd never been to before.

I've also been to 9 different USA states, 6 of them for the first time.

I started college at Champlain as a Professional Writing Major.

I wrote the first 73 pages of my latest novel. (I'm hoping to get it to 100 before I leave. That's just a much better number than 73. We'll see if projects will allow for that.)

I started writing for a magazine, got a job, opened a bank account, saw 5 concerts, practically met the Queen of England, kissed the man of my dreams, finished reading the Bible for the second time, made a ton of wonderful, wonderful friends from all over the world. You get the point. I've done a lot these past 10 months. It's been crazy and fantastic and new. 

I know at least some of this was planned out ahead of time. You can't exactly just hop a flight to London. But so much of my travels has also been spur of the moment, spontaneous decisions to skip class and fly to Dublin or hitch a ride to Pennsylvania.

I couldn't ask for better adventures, better stories I will one day get to write about. It's been a wonderful trip, and I am still in awe of how lucky my chances turned out to be.

Chicago to Champlain

I wish I could have had time to write a post during my time in Chicago, but alas, life moves far too quickly for that. During my week in Chicago I wanted to take up every moment possible and enjoy every second I had. Which I most definitely did. I experienced what it's like to stop time and teleport, and spent a lot of time with some amazing people who I hadn't seen in far too long.

I honestly can't even think of what to write as a highlight of the week, because everything was just so wonderful. We watched movies, played cards, talked, walked along the beach, even found tacos al'pastor! Delicious.

But then all of a sudden I was driving to the airport, and walking through security, and watching the earth drop out from beneath me. Then I was in Montreal, Canada, my sixteenth country, and my mom was there again and I got to see her after such a long time away. Then we were driving down to Vermont and meeting strangers who gave us a room in their house for the few days we were here.

And now?

Now I'm in college, which is absolutely insane.

Now I am a freshman at Champlain College and I am surrounded by people who I will spend the next four years of my life with. I am hearing about the Professional Writing Program and learning how to get involved with publishing and magazines and poetry readings and writing workshops, and I am making new friends and setting up a dorm room and staring at the globe on my desk wondering where all of this will take me.

For one of those overplayed ice breakers we were supposed to talk to someone else for two minutes about ourselves, and then they would come up with two truths and one lie about me. My three things (already adapted so they are all true.)

I'm from Mexico. I've already written two novels. I brought a typewriter with me to college.

Of course there are way more than three things to describe me, and if I was told to choose out three facts from my life these probably aren't the three I would choose. On the other hand, they fit pretty well. Although I would need to add in a fourth fact, something about my tattered old Bible that I love so much, or the importance of God in my life, considering that is probably the most important thing about me.

But anyway, I'm in college, typewriter and quill and globe and everything, and as terrifying as it has been, it's also exciting, and crazy, and wonderful, and overwhelming, and breathtaking, and beautiful all at once. It's college; and I'm here.

Stuffed Inside my Suitcase

My suitcase and I have a very special relationship. After all, we have traveled the world together. We went to my first Writer's Convention in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico, we've been back and forth between Colorado and Oaxaca, we've gone camping all over, we've gone to the beach, we went to Peru, we went on a cruise to Jamaica and the Bahamas and Grand Cayman, and most recently we traveled through Europe. Now we're headed to Chicago, Canada, and Vermont, where hopefully we can finally take a break from each other for a while.

I mean, no matter how close we are, no relationship should have to deal with this amount of pressure. Me: "Come on suitcase, I know you have room for me to stuff in this one more notebook!!"
Suitcase: "My zippers are going to break!" (Just to prove it the suitcase zips through a shirt making it impossible to completely close or open to start over.)
Me: "Seriously? I hate you."
Suitcase: "Fine. Don't take any of your stuff with you."

Eventually we always seem to work something out, even if I've left boxes of my old things all over the world. Belongings just seem to multiply so much during travel. Oh well, I think I managed to squeeze everything in for now. But it sure will be wonderful to live in one place for the next year.

Anyway, I could write a blog post all about my college fears and excitement and all of that, but I think I've given enough of those already. Besides, for right now college somehow still seems pretty far away. (Far being two weeks.) So Chicago is the next adventure at the forefront of my mind.

I've only ever been to the Chicago airport, so I am very excited to go explore some of the city itself. However, of course I am mostly excited for who I get to explore the city with, my amazing boyfriend and his family and some other families and friends who used to live in Oaxaca. After four months of only limited Skype calls and Facebook messages, I am so happy to finally get to see my boyfriend again without unreliable internet and spontaneous computer access.

On a different note, my writer's side decided to suddenly get inspired about Equity Blue again. So while I had an entire summer full of writing time with no inspiration to write, I suddenly have a whole ton of motivation and no time to write. See? My theory was right; I write best when I'm busy. I guess the chaos of having something else to do makes writing just seem so much more appealing. So I have a beginning six pages of Equity Blue. That means I need to come up with fourteen more in order to conquer the twenty page block. (My theory that I can't say I'm working on a new novel until I've written more than twenty pages. Once I get over twenty pages then it's a keeper, before that it's just brainstorming ideas.)

So I'm off to Chicago for the week to see what new stories life throws at me and to hopefully be inspired to get back to Equity as soon as I get settled in to college so I can write out twenty pages and get started on the next novel which has been marinating for far too long.

Post-Capernwray Culture Shock

I don't know why I thought that three months in Europe wouldn't make such a huge impact on my life. I expected some changes, sure, but I had not realized that Capernwray, my British home for two months, would actually become a home and would steal quite a big piece of my heart.

Now I'm back across the ocean, though not back in Mexico with my parents, brother and no longer existing bedroom. Instead I have a summer with my grandparents, aunt, and cousin, which so far has been fantastic. Not that it's been very long, it's only been four days since I left Europe behind. However, it turns out that three days are enough for some culture shock and some readjustment after Capernwray life.

So without further ado: some things I miss about Capernwray.

1. Tea! Yeah, yeah, I know I can get tea here. But there's something about knowing I'll have four cups of some hot drink every day. I love chai tea, but I'll always have a place in my heart for plain English tea with a little bit of milk.

2. Turning on outlets and adapters. I had a while to wait in the airport, and it sure was strange to not find an on and off switch next to the outlet. And having to take the adapter off of my computer lead... it's just weird.

3. Lifts and Cues. I finally managed to stick my brain full of all this English vocabulary. Now I don't know what to say anymore. "Where's the... um, yeah, bathrooms, that's what they are here!"

4. Digestives and Porridge. I never liked oatmeal, but I got so used to eating porridge every morning for breakfast and now I'm in withdrawal. And those little packages of fruit flavoured oatmeal just don't taste as good. I need to learn how to make my own! And digestives, do I need to say any more? I just miss digestives.

5. Katy Perry's Birthday Song and Midnight Dance Parties. I think I hated this song so much that I had no choice but to love it. I mean, we heard it enough as it was, but with all three of my roommates having birthdays this song just seemed to be playing non-stop. And our dance raves were just awesome in every way. We love you Conference Hall 13!

6. Green fields and sheep. Growing up, I was always shocked by how green Indiana was. It always seemed so bright and so vibrant. But now... I don't think anywhere can compare to how green England was. And I do miss those obnoxiously loud sheep in some small way, though I prefer Indiana's squirrels and rabbits.

7. Other Nationalities. I love my family here so much, but I do miss my Capernwray Family Group and Interactive Group. It's sad not to sit at a table and hear people speaking in German or Korean, and I miss talking about Australia and Philippines and Japan and Argentina and New Zealand or comparing Nursery Rhymes in Germany, Ireland, the USA and Canada.

8. Pre-Planned Outfits. Getting dressed at Capernwray was easy. Maroon Monday, Stripes on Tuesday, on Wednesday we wear Pink, Theme Thursday, Freaky Friday, Saturday was usually free and Sunday was dress day.

9. Nail Painting on Tuesdays. I loved my group of Capernwray friends so much, and Tuesday was always a highlight of my week when we got together and painted nails and usually laughed way too much. I did get a little bit better at painting someone else's nails, but I'm still pretty bad...

Obviously there are way more things I miss about Capernwray and a lot of things that I'm still readjusting to. Yes, I still have no idea what side of the road I'm supposed to walk on. "Wait, why is the car driving that direction on that side?" And it always throws me off in restaurants when I read chips and french fries. It takes a while to remember which is which. Oh, and I definitely miss parties in the Beehive whenever we had something to celebrate or something accomplished or something sad or something upsetting. And I miss my extra meals, coffee break and supper. And I don't know what meals are supposed to be called. Right... tea time isn't actually a thing over here.

But, as I've said a thousand times before, it's all part of the adventure. I'm learning and figuring it out, and storing up stories and experiences for all those novels that will come along someday. Thank you Capernwray, for all the things you gave me to miss. 

Countries and Castles

I spent the last five days in Sweden, with a little bit of Denmark thrown in, and it has been incredible. I am so blessed to have been able to come on this trip and see a little bit more of the world. I can't believe the stories I have to tell and the little bits of knowledge that I've picked up from each country.

Now my trip is coming to an end, and while a part of me will miss Europe and all the adventure, I'm ready to move on, back over the ocean, to see what God has planned out for me next. I'll have a couple of months with my grandparents, and I'm excited to see them again after a year apart.

But enough on leaving. I'll write out a highlight of Sweden and one for Denmark.

Sweden: Nimis!

This place was incredible. Read About It Here! So basically, just in case you're too lazy to read the entire Wikipedia article, an artist built these structures out of driftwood in the middle of a national reserve. There has been a lot of legal debate, and somewhere in the process the artist declared this place to be a micro-nation. Anyway, it was such a strange and fascinating story, and such a cool place to see. It was like a giant playground for everyone, and I had so much fun climbing up the towers and trying to avoid getting scratched by the nails sticking out all over or getting splinters.

Denmark: Hamlet's Castle!

I did try to read Hamlet before going, but only managed to read the first two acts and a summary before we went. Still, I know enough about Shakespeare and Hamlet that it was so cool to see the castle the play was based off of, and to hear about the actual kings who lived there. Plus, it's a castle, and castle's are basically always awesome. I especially liked the ballroom, which was huge, and the underground rooms where the soldiers lived, even if it was freezing down there. But yeah, such a beautiful building with so much history and a fantastic view from the castle windows.

Basically, this last adventure has been great, and I do recommend Sweden to anyone looking to travel. Just make sure that if you're ever in Sweden or Denmark or anywhere nearby that you stop to look at Nimis! 

Following My Heroes

The problem with running off following adventure is that finding time to write about the adventure is practically impossible. But seeing as for the moment I don't need to Skype anyone and I kind of partly have the next stretch of travel from Oxford to Sweden planned out, it seems a good time for a blog post.

First of all, can I just point out that I'm in Oxford? Yeah, yeah, like the University, but mostly like the place where Lewis and Tolkien lived and taught and walked... Amazing. 

So many little carvings all over the walls and ceilings of all the buildings!

This city is incredible, with architecture that takes my breath away and so many complex and intricate buildings. Me and my traveling companion have kind of accidentally run into several places used in the filming of Harry Potter, which is definitely exciting. I cannot wait to get back and watch all the movies again, just so I can point and say: "I've been there!" Nacho Libre's not the only movie set I can say I've been to anymore.
Anyway, back to the point: this city is so beautiful! There is so much history carved into the buildings and I can just feel all of it in the air as I walk through the streets. Plus, it's time for examinations, so the Oxford students from several colleges are walking or riding their bicycles through the city wearing black gowns with carnations in their pockets and their sharp, erudite black and white uniforms. I can only imagine what it would be like to actually study in a place like this.

Christ Church. No wonder movies are filmed here.

So far I've been to Keble College, Christ Church, and a bit of the New College, and each college is breath-taking. I'm hoping to get in a few more colleges before we leave on Friday. We even attended the Sung Evensong at Christ Church Cathedral on Tuesday, which wasn't quite as impressive as the service at Westminster Abbey, but still pretty cool. Plus, we've done a lot of walking around, taking photos, shopping, trying to find the cheapest ways to eat, sliding through museums, and a little bit of getting purposely lost in order to see more. It's wonderful.

Radcliffe Camera, apparently one of the most photographed buildings in Oxford. I can understand why, plus the fact that it sneaks into the backgrounds of pictures of other buildings nearby...

And, did I mention? This is where Lewis and Tolkien formed the Inklings and met in pubs to discuss their writing. I dropped into the Eagle and Child pub and took pictures and stood and marveled, but the food was too expensive for me to justify eating there. However, across the street the Lamb and the Flag was also used by the Inklings, and I managed to afford a nice ham sandwich. Then I just sat in the pub and wrote out four pages of my thoughts as my mind wrapped around the fact that I was sitting in the very place that Lewis and Tolkien read their stories. So incredibly unbelievable. I just cannot hold in how excited I am to be in the place where my heroes actually lived.

Eagle and Child. I am still amazed.

Tomorrow I'm planning on finding the Kilns, where Lewis lived, and then Holy Trinity Church to see his grave. I'm so excited to follow him even more and see how many of his words will drip down and influence my own writing and my own stories. I can just feel the creativity in this place (did I mention Lewis Carrol was also an Oxford don? Lots of Alice in Wonderland exhibits in all the museums) and I am quite sure my writing can only improve as I result of being here.

This was inside the Eagle and Child, so of course when we got back at night we watched the first half of the Lord of the Rings and went crazy when this part actually came up.

Bonus: today I had the most interesting conversations back at the house where we're staying. It began as a sort of conversation against the Bible, though without any time for me to answer the questions being asked, or at least not enough time to answer them well. Then it became a conversation about my family, and about camps, and then the ice cream truck drove by and I smiled at the music and was treated to an amazing Cadbury ice cream cone.
Later in the day a French man living in Germany arrived to stay in another room here, and we all talked for hours about language and education and politics and immigration and travel and culture and even culture shock. Such a great conversation and it kind of made me realize that I am in fact an adult now and can not only listen in on but be a major part of a conversation like that. I mean, usually as soon as it's a serious conversation all I can do is listen, but this time I actually had just as much to add to the conversation as anyone else. More memories and information to store in my "future novels" room in my Mind Palace.

And to end, a lovely picture of me and Smaug.

How to be Courageous

Goodbyes suck. There you have it, the truth of the matter. And I have had to say more goodbyes in my life than should be possible.
I remember when I was little I had this one friend I would have sleepovers with all the time, and when my mom came to pick us up we would run and hide so that we wouldn't have to say goodbye. I'm sure that our mothers didn't much appreciate that.

Hiding out in some awesome ruins near Capernwray. I believe it was the old game keeper's house for Capernwray Hall.

Unfortunately, most goodbyes I can't hide from. I left Capernwray Bible School yesterday morning, but only after a full night of watching the people I've come to love so much drifting away one by one. I have to admit that my emotions kind of shut down during the goodbyes. I just knew that I couldn't handle any tears. It felt like if I let myself cry even a single drop I would just keep crying forever. I mean, I already said goodbyes three months ago to Oaxaca, Mexico and all my amazing friends there, and then two weeks later I had to say goodbye to my sister again.

Goodbye Capernwray Hall. You'll have a piece of my heart forever.

However, I believe that one form of courage is the courage to life every moment to the fullest, and I decided to try my best to be courageous. After all, so many of my goodbyes are not permanent. How many times have I said goodbye to someone thinking I would never see them again, but years later I find myself saying hello to them again? Lots.

Besides, we live in a world that is all connected, where I can open Facebook and see statuses posted from Korea, Ecuador, Uganda, Kenya, Asia, all over the USA and Mexico, just to name a few. I have relatively easy access to Skype and Emails and it is still possible to send hand-written letters, which are so amazing to receive. (Thanks my favorite sister, the only person who got on the ball and sent me mail while I was here in England. And she sent two letters.)

I'll miss tea when I leave England. Somehow drinking tea won't be the same if it's not scheduled into the day. I had at least three cups of tea or coffee ever day while at Capernwray, I think I'm going to go through tea withdrawal now that I'm travelling. Oh wait, the hotel has tea... I'll survive another three days at least.

So in the words of my sometimes extremely poetic boyfriend: "I prefer to think of it as more of a goodnight, going somewhere else, to have some more epic adventures, but waking up to find that person still there. And if we're lucky, we might just find them in our goodnights along with our goodmornings." 
I've had to say goodnight to Capernwray, but I can't wait to see when and where I find myself meeting up with the people I got so close to here in England to share some goodmornings. All I can say is that sometime there must be a tour of Canada, because Capernwray was overflowing with Canadians, and also that I am praying like crazy that God will someday bring me back to Europe somehow. 

Getting my certificate of completion for finishing the course. :)

For now I am going to take the advice of one of my amazing Capernwray friends in a letter she wrote me with instructions not to read it until I had left Capernwray. So I read it in a hotel near London and was so touched by her sweet words. She said that she admired the way I life day by day and life every moment fully, so today I'm going to push all the past and future stuff away and enjoy today. I will do my best to forget about travel stress and forget about goodbyes and forget about missing home and forget about college and forget about getting a job and I am going to enjoy London! 

I think our main plan for the day is to relax in Hyde Park and read and write, which sounds so amazing. I am so excited for round two of London, since honestly my day in London before going to school didn't leave that great of an impression. But it was Good Friday and the city was packed, and all we did was see the major tourist stuff that seen from a distance really doesn't look any different than it would seen from a photograph. But now I get to see London again with an awesome group of people and less of a schedule and with more time. So London... here I come.

After our 6.5 hour coach ride from Capernwray to London I ate sandwiches with two of my closest friends on the sidewalk because we couldn't find a nice place to sit, and then I had to say goodbye to one of my best friends for what felt like the hundredth time. I hope it's not too long before we meet up again in the next country.

Dublin Snow

I flew "home" from Dublin today, and laughed at how quickly this castle has become my home. Or maybe I just adapt quickly anywhere, since the little hostel we stayed at in Dublin became 'home' too while we were there.

Anyway, while I have thousands of words that I could pour forth on this page about England and Capernwray, I did just come back from Ireland, and I think I'll write out my Dublin adventures and hopefully get back to England soon. I do apologize for this frightening lack of updates, but I want to enjoy England while I can, and the rare times when internet is available is usually taken up by Skype calls.

You are probably wondering why the title of my Dublin trip in May has anything to do with snow. While my sister informed me that it was snowing several days in Colorado, it did not in fact snow in Dublin.

But as my Capernwray roommate and I were walking along  the Dublin streets we saw a little red-head boy with his thick Irish accent crumbling a block of Styrofoam over his sister's head. Skipping and clapping as she walked, she reached up and laughed, "It's Snowing!"
I know I am often that girl, laughing at the scene created in my imagination even if it isn't the real thing. I don't know how often I've dreamed myself into another place, another country, another world. There were so many moments during my two days in Dublin when I had to stop and take a second to realize that I wasn't just playing with Styrofoam. I went to Ireland! I saw all the tourist sights of Dublin, from the famine memorial to the spire to Dublin Writer's Museum, and it was all real.

(Sidenote: Apparently Ireland is the place to be if you want to write. I had no idea so many writers were from Ireland! Maybe some of the leprechaun dust will rub off on me?)

Favorite part? Well, the Writer's Museum was pretty cool, and the old library was definitely awesome as well, complete with the book of Kells and that amazing smell that instantly inspires me to write. The Little Dublin Museum was also fascinating, and I loved eating mint chocolate chip ice-cream beside the River Liffy and sitting on the side of the walking street listening to the musicians play, and even sleeping in the airport our last night really wasn't bad.

So basically, Dublin was like walking through stories I wouldn't have imagined seeing in real life. It was like realizing that my made up snow was actually wet and cold. But at the same time it didn't stay wet and cold, everything exceeded my expectations. So my Dublin snow was more like the fountain being cleaned, with foamy bubbles that kept growing and growing until they starting flying off to the sky in giant bursts of snow cloud.

Dublin was fantastic, and coming back to Capernwray to a long shower, a clean bed, and free food was definitely a welcome return. I know I've said it a thousand times before, but I really am in the land of stories, and I can't stop realizing how incredibly blessed I am.

Dreaming

I don't remember how old I was when I first set my heart on England. Maybe it happened as I was reading through the Chronicles of Narnia on the living room floor and crying over the last page just because I didn't want to story to end. Or maybe it didn't happen until the movies came out and I began to learn more about C. S. Lewis. It grew as I sobbed over the story of Goodnight, Mr. Tom and was certainly already there as I began to read poetry and care more about authors who all seemed to have one thing in common, England.

I guess the more I learned about England the more I loved it, even from such a distance. In my mind it was a world of words and the place I dreamed of visiting.

I still can't fully believe that I am sitting in Burgh Le Marsh, England as I write this. It seems incredible to me that I have had about nine cups of English Tea since I flew in just two nights ago, or that today I climbed up two old windmills, one of them the only mill in the country still used as a mill and not just a tourist attraction, and the other turned into a beautiful house once used as a Bed n' Breakfast. I can't fathom the fact that the phone boxes are actually real and not just a red spot on the curtain in my room, and all that perfect picturesque scenery is really there, not just the setting for a film or the photo on a postcard.

I guess I haven't had any sort of adventurous stories since I got here, but driving through those brilliantly green hills and trees and breathing in the fresh England air is more than enough. I spent a bit of yesterday by the sea and ran down to dip my feet into the freezing ocean and ate Cadbury Ice Cream and made it back to the house in time for yet another cup of tea. Then today the windmills and a stroll through Boston and a Sing at the church to practice for Sunday Worship.

It's all been perfectly lovely, and I cannot wait to get to London tomorrow to meet up with a friend and possibly some more of the students who I'll be attending school with for the next two months. I know London won't be as peaceful and serene as Lincolnshire, but I have a feeling I'll love it just as much. After all, I'm in this story land of my dreams now.

Smile, You're In...

I should have taken a picture of the sign: Smile, you're in :D usseldorf! I did smile, as I have been quite a bit lately. I was really hoping that I would have more time to blog, but it turns out when I'm traveling around Europe blogging takes a backseat in my brain.

So in order to try and avoid a blog post too long to read I'll stick to two stories and hope I can get some more details in later on.

First off, taking a train in a foreign country would probably be a bit scary no matter what. I mean, it was Germany, and I don't speak German, and I'd never been to Europe before. But then my flight was delayed four hours and I missed my trains.
So I had to learn how to buy new tickets and probably paid way too much that the delayed airline really should have paid. If I was someone else I would have hunted them down and made them. But of course I just paid whatever without even trying to figure out how much. I even splurged on a Sundae from Burger King to try and make myself feel better.
Then came the adventure of trying to find a way to connect the family that was going to meet me at midnight to tell them that I wouldn't get on a train until 1:30, though of course the train was delayed until almost 2:30.
So I wandered into the internet Hot Spot room with possibly homeless people possibly waiting to steal all of my belongings. But I went in anyway and locked myself into a room with all of these strangers (okay, I wasn't locked in and I sat right by the window, but still...) and eventually I asked someone to help my connect, and while my computer never did connect to the internet the man who thankfully spoke English let me use his cellphone. Sorry, his mobile phone.
So then I sat in the Hot Spot room for a while and then left to explore until a creepy man started following me around the empty train station after midnight trying to talk to me. So I followed around the few people still there until I met the nice lady with a bike headed to Paris who happened to be sharing my train and helped me figure out that step. And then the man with the license plate helped me through the next two trains, where I helped the English speaking guy with the turban and accidentally sat in first class until the ticket checker kicked me out and I eventually made it to my final destination of the day.

Wow.  That was longer than I meant. Oh well, you don't have to keep reading.

So fast forward to Konstanz and I'm with my friend looking at the locks on the side of a bridge and this guy comes up trying to talk to us and get us to fall for him or something. And then this other guy came up to ask why the locks were there, and he got really upset that they couldn't be opened again. "But the lock is like a covenant, so what if there is a breakage in the relationship? My question is, how do you get the key to open the lock?"
He kept repeating that over and over again, and our "you don't get the key back" didn't seem to be a satisfactory answer. So then he told us his sob story about the girl who ran off to the United States and came back pregnant and how he would never be able to trust another woman again.
Eventually we managed to get away without giving out our names and phone numbers and without going to "sit and talk". So while the first guy sat and felt sorry for himself that we both had boyfriends already the second guy repeated his story several times and wondered repeatedly why anyone would be so stupid as to eternally lock their love onto the bridge. I guess my friend and I are silly for thinking the locks are romantic, even though they definitely are.

Above the Air

I think all of today I've had and will have my head in the clouds, in more ways than one.

I'm leaving. I'm actually leaving to Germany and then England and all these things that I've dreamed about for so long are actually happening now. Already I can feel so many stories waiting to happen so I can write all about them. I really can't tell you how excited I am, and at the moment the excitement is definitely beating the worry, which is awesome.

Of course, it would be nice if this itch of a headache would go away. I took Ibuprofen already, what more do you want?

Anyway, I'm in the Denver Airport right now waiting for my plane to arrive and load and take off, and then I really will be in the clouds. I had a bit of an issue checking in, but the united staff person who helped me was super nice and helpful and we got it all figured out and I have three boarding passes that will get me to Germany.

The scary part will be finding my flight in Houston in time; I have a 32 minute layover. Youch. I already have all these prejudices against Houston, I really don't need any more reasons to dislike that airport. Oh well, at least I won't be bored.

Then two hours in London shouldn't be too bad, and I feel at least a little bit more confident now that I can make it from the airport to the train in Germany and find my way to where friends will pick me up.

Wow. I just say that and my mind is blown away again. I'm going to Germany. What? This is actually happening? Yep. I don't even need to pinch myself; I guess that headache is there just to remind me that this is real.

Anyway, send some prayers my way if you think about it and I shall update when I get the chance!

Almost

I leave tomorrow. Yikes.

Now is the last minute making sure I have everything. Not that it matters since I don't really have a way of getting anything that I don't already have.

However, this whole idea of leaving so soon would be easier if I had a way to talk to people back in Oaxaca. Trying to communicate over facebook with my mom isn't working at all.  I don't know if my grandpa's computer is just awful or if my mom is ignoring my messages even though she messsaged me first so I know she's there. Oh well. Maybe she'll figure out the facebook isn't working and just call.

Well I guess all there is to do now is to stay calm as I count down to hours to my first flight. That and writing in my blog and my journal as well as the NaPoWriMo poem of the day. Oh wait, I already did that. Another poem can't hurt, right?

Ready or Not

Everything is happening.
Life is here.

I still have a few days in Colorado before heading off to Europe, but a few days is not a very long time. I've been trying to figure out banking issues, buying last minute supplies for the trip, setting up the details for meeting everyone everywhere.

I feel like the only thing I have left is to pack my suitcase for the final time before I go. Well, and wash all my clothes before I pack so that I can arrive in Germany with clean clothes.

In Germany. I'm going to be arriving in Germany in less than a week. I guess I'm just trying to wrap my mind around it all. I don't know what to expect though, and I don't know how often I'll have access to computers and internet, so the blog may be left hanging as I try to find the time to update.

But I am quite certain that I will still write plenty, even if you don't get to read it. In fact, I'm trying to figure out if I need to cut down on the amount of notebooks I want to bring with me. I currently have a poetry journal, a prayer journal, a travel journal and an idea notebook.

And this is the time when, if I was smart, I would go buy a kindle. However, I love books way too much. I mean, I know that my Bible is coming with me. So now it's just 100 Years of Solitude and the Ray Bradbury collection my sister just gave me. Both of them are really good... and really big. I'm hoping I can fit them both somewhere.

As for writing, April is National Poetry Writing Month, and this year I've decided I'll actually write a poem a day. At least. It's the 3rd today, and so far I have 7 poems, so I think I'm up to a good start. Now hopefully I can keep it up and get at least one poem, even if I only have time for a haiku, every day. And now the future poems will be all about Europe and trains and airplanes.

Leaving home is definitely hard, but I can't tell you how excited I am. Just think about how much story material I'll find on this trip?

Endings or Beginnings

I know that I should be thinking positively. You know, the end of one thing is just the beginning of something new? But right now I feel like there are just a lot of endings and it's hard to think about the beginning that will follow.

Book Two is getting closer to the end, and while it doesn't seem like a big deal it's hard to realize that I'm actually pretty close to getting to the end of the second book. Plus, this ending has been pretty hard to write, because I've had to force some of my characters to make hard decisions and suffer more than they'd like, and it's only going to get worse up until the end. Don't worry, though, I'm pretty sure there will still be a happy ending.

My life in Oaxaca is probably the biggest end coming up. It's really hard to accept that I only have about a month left here. Then I'll be moving out to Bible School in England and then college who knows where and, well, all the rest of life. I'm terrified of saying goodbye to this place where I've spent the last four years. It's become something of a home to me, as close as I can get here on earth.

And as much as I hate to admit it I know this will be the end of some friendships as well. Of course there are those best friends I can't imagine ever losing and I'll fight to keep those friendships no matter what. But I know there are also people that will drift away, because that's what happens when you move to another state, let alone continent.

Oh, and the end of this amazing freedom that I've had the last couple months. It's been fantastic to not be at school and just be able to spend all day writing if I want to. I admit I haven't spent all day writing, but I have spent way more time than I got to while in school. I've loved the change to just be lazy and make up for all the hard work I put into high school and just rest for a change.

I also feel like even while I know that my heart will always be a child, I'm kind of saying goodbye to childhood, too. I'm 18 now, an adult. I'm going to be off on my own, independent, looking for my own job and providing for myself. I'll miss just being a little kid.

But I guess I ought to stop ranting now. It's just, I've never really liked endings.

Trust and Fear

I wish I could say that if I was part of the factions from Divergent I would be Dauntless, but the truth is I'm somewhat of a coward.

I like to think that I'm brave, after all, I'm on my way to Europe, right? But the truth is this trip terrifies me whenever I let myself think about it for too long. I mean, this train from Stuttgart to Frankfurt to some town I'll never be able to pronounce, it's sounding pretty scary at the moment. And then another train to that other town and then that airplane and that train and....

I know my trip will be awesome. Don't get me wrong; I am so excited beyond words. And I know that my whole life's story has already been preplanned and prewritten and I know it will all work out and it will all be awesome. But sometimes I just wish I could peak ahead a few chapters...

Of course, while in some ways it would be nice to just go to Europe and get the worst part over with, I'm also so glad that I got to have this time to calm down and destress before I leave. There was just so much going on and so much that I had to think about, and I guess in some ways there still is, but it doesn't seem as big of a deal here hanging out with my sister. Everything's just been a lot of fun and a great chance to relax.

(Although at the moment she's doing her homework and her husband is back from the Police Academy for the weekend and also doing a lot of homework, so the atmosphere in the room isn't actually very relaxed at the moment.)

But I'm loving this break and loving being back in Colorado. I missed this place, and I missed my sister.

(Oh, and in case you didn't guess from my opening; I did see Divergent this weekend, and I approve. It was pretty great, I think.)