Summer Sun

It's raining today. Not pouring down rain, but a calm, steady rain that actually has raindrops, unlike the rain in England. It's the kind of day that makes me want to curl up with a book and a cup of tea. Oh wait, I already did that for several hours this morning.

However, most days this summer have been sunny and humid and warm. It's been a relaxing summer so far, a nice slowing down of life after the crazy excitement of my Europe travels. I know it's just a lull though, ready to jump right back up as soon as August hits and I have to go off to college. Or get to. Or something.

I decided that I probably should update, because life has slowed down but certainly hasn't stopped since returned to this side of the world. I have been enjoying the company of my wonderful grandparents and my aunt and uncle and cousin, and even though this is just a small part of my family and there's a bit of a hole where all the other members should be and aren't, it has certainly been great to be here.

Fourth of July seemed to have taken up the last two or three weeks, with fireworks and firecrackers going off every night from 9-12 or later, and lots of picnics with way too much good food. People at Capernwray talked about gaining Cape pounds because of all the potatoes, but somehow there my pants kept getting looser. Not anymore. Then again, that may have just as much to do with the fact that now I'm actually washing clothes since I don't have to pay ridiculous amounts of money for laundry.

Sunday was the church picnic from my grandparents' church, and I had a lot of fun running around the playground pretending to be a kid again with my cousin and some of his friends. The day before I also 'played' tennis and badminton and volleyball and ping-pong- and somehow every game ended with everyone just acting ridiculous and basically just throwing or hitting whatever ball in any and every direction and laughing. Am I really that bad at sports that it's not even possible to attempt an actual game of anything? Apparently, but it is much more entertaining to laugh and forget about the idea of competition anyway.

Unfortunately, as far as writing goes- free time actually seems to hinder my writing effort. I mean, I wrote so much more when I was busy. I wrote Shadow Whispers while finishing up my junior year of highschool while taking three AP classes along with the normal ones, and when I attempting my poem a day for April I wrote so many poems while travelling. It's like I write best when I know there's something else I should be doing instead of writing. Now that I have an entire day basically free to do whatever I want, I just can't motivate myself to go write anything. I wrote fifty-one poems in April but have written two in July. It doesn't make any sense!

Although, now that I think about it, the fact that I'm reading A Tree Grows in Brooklyn may have something to do with it, since I find it incredibly hard to set down that book. In fact I can hear it calling to me right now... 

Post-Capernwray Culture Shock

I don't know why I thought that three months in Europe wouldn't make such a huge impact on my life. I expected some changes, sure, but I had not realized that Capernwray, my British home for two months, would actually become a home and would steal quite a big piece of my heart.

Now I'm back across the ocean, though not back in Mexico with my parents, brother and no longer existing bedroom. Instead I have a summer with my grandparents, aunt, and cousin, which so far has been fantastic. Not that it's been very long, it's only been four days since I left Europe behind. However, it turns out that three days are enough for some culture shock and some readjustment after Capernwray life.

So without further ado: some things I miss about Capernwray.

1. Tea! Yeah, yeah, I know I can get tea here. But there's something about knowing I'll have four cups of some hot drink every day. I love chai tea, but I'll always have a place in my heart for plain English tea with a little bit of milk.

2. Turning on outlets and adapters. I had a while to wait in the airport, and it sure was strange to not find an on and off switch next to the outlet. And having to take the adapter off of my computer lead... it's just weird.

3. Lifts and Cues. I finally managed to stick my brain full of all this English vocabulary. Now I don't know what to say anymore. "Where's the... um, yeah, bathrooms, that's what they are here!"

4. Digestives and Porridge. I never liked oatmeal, but I got so used to eating porridge every morning for breakfast and now I'm in withdrawal. And those little packages of fruit flavoured oatmeal just don't taste as good. I need to learn how to make my own! And digestives, do I need to say any more? I just miss digestives.

5. Katy Perry's Birthday Song and Midnight Dance Parties. I think I hated this song so much that I had no choice but to love it. I mean, we heard it enough as it was, but with all three of my roommates having birthdays this song just seemed to be playing non-stop. And our dance raves were just awesome in every way. We love you Conference Hall 13!

6. Green fields and sheep. Growing up, I was always shocked by how green Indiana was. It always seemed so bright and so vibrant. But now... I don't think anywhere can compare to how green England was. And I do miss those obnoxiously loud sheep in some small way, though I prefer Indiana's squirrels and rabbits.

7. Other Nationalities. I love my family here so much, but I do miss my Capernwray Family Group and Interactive Group. It's sad not to sit at a table and hear people speaking in German or Korean, and I miss talking about Australia and Philippines and Japan and Argentina and New Zealand or comparing Nursery Rhymes in Germany, Ireland, the USA and Canada.

8. Pre-Planned Outfits. Getting dressed at Capernwray was easy. Maroon Monday, Stripes on Tuesday, on Wednesday we wear Pink, Theme Thursday, Freaky Friday, Saturday was usually free and Sunday was dress day.

9. Nail Painting on Tuesdays. I loved my group of Capernwray friends so much, and Tuesday was always a highlight of my week when we got together and painted nails and usually laughed way too much. I did get a little bit better at painting someone else's nails, but I'm still pretty bad...

Obviously there are way more things I miss about Capernwray and a lot of things that I'm still readjusting to. Yes, I still have no idea what side of the road I'm supposed to walk on. "Wait, why is the car driving that direction on that side?" And it always throws me off in restaurants when I read chips and french fries. It takes a while to remember which is which. Oh, and I definitely miss parties in the Beehive whenever we had something to celebrate or something accomplished or something sad or something upsetting. And I miss my extra meals, coffee break and supper. And I don't know what meals are supposed to be called. Right... tea time isn't actually a thing over here.

But, as I've said a thousand times before, it's all part of the adventure. I'm learning and figuring it out, and storing up stories and experiences for all those novels that will come along someday. Thank you Capernwray, for all the things you gave me to miss. 

How to be Courageous

Goodbyes suck. There you have it, the truth of the matter. And I have had to say more goodbyes in my life than should be possible.
I remember when I was little I had this one friend I would have sleepovers with all the time, and when my mom came to pick us up we would run and hide so that we wouldn't have to say goodbye. I'm sure that our mothers didn't much appreciate that.

Hiding out in some awesome ruins near Capernwray. I believe it was the old game keeper's house for Capernwray Hall.

Unfortunately, most goodbyes I can't hide from. I left Capernwray Bible School yesterday morning, but only after a full night of watching the people I've come to love so much drifting away one by one. I have to admit that my emotions kind of shut down during the goodbyes. I just knew that I couldn't handle any tears. It felt like if I let myself cry even a single drop I would just keep crying forever. I mean, I already said goodbyes three months ago to Oaxaca, Mexico and all my amazing friends there, and then two weeks later I had to say goodbye to my sister again.

Goodbye Capernwray Hall. You'll have a piece of my heart forever.

However, I believe that one form of courage is the courage to life every moment to the fullest, and I decided to try my best to be courageous. After all, so many of my goodbyes are not permanent. How many times have I said goodbye to someone thinking I would never see them again, but years later I find myself saying hello to them again? Lots.

Besides, we live in a world that is all connected, where I can open Facebook and see statuses posted from Korea, Ecuador, Uganda, Kenya, Asia, all over the USA and Mexico, just to name a few. I have relatively easy access to Skype and Emails and it is still possible to send hand-written letters, which are so amazing to receive. (Thanks my favorite sister, the only person who got on the ball and sent me mail while I was here in England. And she sent two letters.)

I'll miss tea when I leave England. Somehow drinking tea won't be the same if it's not scheduled into the day. I had at least three cups of tea or coffee ever day while at Capernwray, I think I'm going to go through tea withdrawal now that I'm travelling. Oh wait, the hotel has tea... I'll survive another three days at least.

So in the words of my sometimes extremely poetic boyfriend: "I prefer to think of it as more of a goodnight, going somewhere else, to have some more epic adventures, but waking up to find that person still there. And if we're lucky, we might just find them in our goodnights along with our goodmornings." 
I've had to say goodnight to Capernwray, but I can't wait to see when and where I find myself meeting up with the people I got so close to here in England to share some goodmornings. All I can say is that sometime there must be a tour of Canada, because Capernwray was overflowing with Canadians, and also that I am praying like crazy that God will someday bring me back to Europe somehow. 

Getting my certificate of completion for finishing the course. :)

For now I am going to take the advice of one of my amazing Capernwray friends in a letter she wrote me with instructions not to read it until I had left Capernwray. So I read it in a hotel near London and was so touched by her sweet words. She said that she admired the way I life day by day and life every moment fully, so today I'm going to push all the past and future stuff away and enjoy today. I will do my best to forget about travel stress and forget about goodbyes and forget about missing home and forget about college and forget about getting a job and I am going to enjoy London! 

I think our main plan for the day is to relax in Hyde Park and read and write, which sounds so amazing. I am so excited for round two of London, since honestly my day in London before going to school didn't leave that great of an impression. But it was Good Friday and the city was packed, and all we did was see the major tourist stuff that seen from a distance really doesn't look any different than it would seen from a photograph. But now I get to see London again with an awesome group of people and less of a schedule and with more time. So London... here I come.

After our 6.5 hour coach ride from Capernwray to London I ate sandwiches with two of my closest friends on the sidewalk because we couldn't find a nice place to sit, and then I had to say goodbye to one of my best friends for what felt like the hundredth time. I hope it's not too long before we meet up again in the next country.

Washing Machine Life

Everything is changing.
My oh my how that little sentence has been true over the last couple of weeks. I've watched, from England, as all of my classmates graduate and get ready to go all over the world. It's so strange to think that all of those people will no longer be in the same place, that even if I went 'back' I could never go back. Everything is changed now.

So after a few days of panic over the fact that my friends have all graduated and moved or will move soon and then panic over the fact that I'm not going home after this and won't ever live at home again and then panic of "why in the world am I going to college in a state where I don't know anyone?" Honestly, though, what prompted me to go so far away?

I still can't believe this is where I've been going to school!

Then again, I am in England right now, and it's even further away than Vermont will be. And while one of my friends followed me here from Oaxaca, I did still come here alone. So I don't know why college seems so much more daunting.

Yeah, I guess the pictures don't really have anything to do with my post, but open doorway, you know, like a door to my future...

But that's the big abstract change that sometimes seems unconnected from my life, like I'm watching it happen to someone else. Right now the change is the end of Bible School coming up in just one week. I know I've done a terrible job at updating everyone, but these two months really have been incredible. It will be hard to leave, but I am so excited to see how I can take everything that has been poured into me during my time here and then turn it into the rest of my life.

And road to the future...

I'm trying to think of some highlights from the time here. Elephant Table Tennis was definitely fun, when a group of us played the most ridiculous table tennis ever and could not stop laughing. Parties in the Beehive are also fantastic, eating chocolate and gummy bears when we're upset about something or when we have some reason to celebrate. Reading my novel out loud to one of my friends here has also definitely been a highlight.

So many sheep here!

Of course I've also loved all of the lectures and spending time alone with the creator of all of this fantastic greenery and watching the British sunset fall over the hills. I am amazed at what God has done during this time, and I pray that as I move through a world that's spinning around and changing way too quickly for me, that I will be able to continue to grow and learn and store all of these stories for my future novels.

I went to the Pencil Museum in Keswick. How random is that? I didn't know pencils came from Keswick England.

I just need to focus on the adventure and forget the fear.

There is beauty everywhere as long as I remember to look for it.

Capernwray At Last

I have to admit that Capernwray has been a tiny bit overwhelming. I mean, there are so many people and everything is just so incredible. I've been here about three days now, I think, and I don't think I'll ever get used to this. Of course I don't want to, either. I love walking out of my room and having my breath stolen by the green and the rabbits and the lambs and the birds.

The lectures are, well, lectures, but I love being able to study again. I was surprised by my own nerdiness because taking notes again made me so incredibly happy. I just love writing so much, and even if I'm just writing down information about Deuteronomy and Interactive Groups I still love putting words down onto the page.

So I feel like I should explain the Bible school or tell a story or something. I guess I'm a bit distracted tonight though. I've gotten online most days for a few minutes to get little bits of Oaxaca, but I haven't done too well and it's hard to connect my thoughts in a crowded room with a lot of other people all skyping and writing and trying to keep up with everyone.

Basically I'm making a lot of friends and learning a lot and it's all been great, just a lot to take in. But I'm loving it so far, even if it's weird just constantly meeting new people and trying to figure out how to make good friends and not just a ton of acquaintances.

But my roommates are awesome and I love talking to them and hanging out with them. It's such a fun room and I have a feeling these next two months will be great. I just need to remember to read all of the Bible chapters I'm supposed to and keep up with my poetry (which I have done a great job keeping up with, by the way).

Ah, I really just cannot think properly to write, but at least here's an update of some sort. Eventually I'll get back to it and write a better story or something, I promise!!

Dublin Snow

I flew "home" from Dublin today, and laughed at how quickly this castle has become my home. Or maybe I just adapt quickly anywhere, since the little hostel we stayed at in Dublin became 'home' too while we were there.

Anyway, while I have thousands of words that I could pour forth on this page about England and Capernwray, I did just come back from Ireland, and I think I'll write out my Dublin adventures and hopefully get back to England soon. I do apologize for this frightening lack of updates, but I want to enjoy England while I can, and the rare times when internet is available is usually taken up by Skype calls.

You are probably wondering why the title of my Dublin trip in May has anything to do with snow. While my sister informed me that it was snowing several days in Colorado, it did not in fact snow in Dublin.

But as my Capernwray roommate and I were walking along  the Dublin streets we saw a little red-head boy with his thick Irish accent crumbling a block of Styrofoam over his sister's head. Skipping and clapping as she walked, she reached up and laughed, "It's Snowing!"
I know I am often that girl, laughing at the scene created in my imagination even if it isn't the real thing. I don't know how often I've dreamed myself into another place, another country, another world. There were so many moments during my two days in Dublin when I had to stop and take a second to realize that I wasn't just playing with Styrofoam. I went to Ireland! I saw all the tourist sights of Dublin, from the famine memorial to the spire to Dublin Writer's Museum, and it was all real.

(Sidenote: Apparently Ireland is the place to be if you want to write. I had no idea so many writers were from Ireland! Maybe some of the leprechaun dust will rub off on me?)

Favorite part? Well, the Writer's Museum was pretty cool, and the old library was definitely awesome as well, complete with the book of Kells and that amazing smell that instantly inspires me to write. The Little Dublin Museum was also fascinating, and I loved eating mint chocolate chip ice-cream beside the River Liffy and sitting on the side of the walking street listening to the musicians play, and even sleeping in the airport our last night really wasn't bad.

So basically, Dublin was like walking through stories I wouldn't have imagined seeing in real life. It was like realizing that my made up snow was actually wet and cold. But at the same time it didn't stay wet and cold, everything exceeded my expectations. So my Dublin snow was more like the fountain being cleaned, with foamy bubbles that kept growing and growing until they starting flying off to the sky in giant bursts of snow cloud.

Dublin was fantastic, and coming back to Capernwray to a long shower, a clean bed, and free food was definitely a welcome return. I know I've said it a thousand times before, but I really am in the land of stories, and I can't stop realizing how incredibly blessed I am.