May 4, 2015

The Atmosphere

Today I filled out two hotel job applications, one daycare/preschool application, I went to one pizza place interview and called about setting up an interview at a resort. This whole process feels so slow and while it isn't incredibly hard, I feel it wearing on me. Am I applying to the right jobs? Am I saying the right thing? Filling out the correct information? What job should I take? Will any of them even accept me?

It's tough, and I wish I could just enjoy a few days with my sister without this constant pressure to find a job. I hate that money has to be so important right now, and I hate that every second feels like it should be preparing for the next. I just want to relax. I want to take a break from that tornado year of college. I want to get a job so I can stop worrying about getting a job.

Adult life stinks.

But- I am with my sister, and at the very least we got to take a break from chaos to paint each other's nails and go to a beauty salon to be practice models for the hair people practicing for the big wedding season. We got more than we bargained for, sitting in salon chairs for two hours while they tried off a bunch of hair techniques.

Also, I've started reading Wuthering Heigts at the advice of several good friends and it's intriguing. I  so excited to be reading again. Just in two days I've read six chapters and I'm reading on my own for my own pleasure. I hope eventually this enjoyment of reading will pass on to writing and I can get back to writing more than just poetry, though I have enjoyed the poems and definitely don't want to stop writing those either. I just want to write. For now, here's a poem.

The Atmosphere
blankets my worried breaths
as I count the seconds that make up infinity.

Distance feels like a stone
pressing down my chest as I attempt to reach
the other side
wherever that side might be
whatever that side might hold

But the full moon gives me hope
and reminds me how words can carry
across the globe
even when I cannot. 

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