Caves and Camping

Imagine yourself in the depths of the earth sitting on the hold, hard, metal seats of a little boat. There are fourteen people on the boat with and most of them don't know how to shut their mouth for more than a few seconds at a time. However, we stop in front of "Gibraltar Rock" and the tour guide turns off the lights and for a few seconds we get to experience total darkness. The blackness feels tangible, it's so thick. And then the lights come back on and I just want to close my eyes because the darkness was so beautiful. And then... then the tour guide pulls out a Native American flute and starts to play, and for once everyone is silent and the music echoes of the cave walls and it sounds so amazing.

Definitely one of the highlights of my week long camping trip. There's just something about caves... I know they're supposed to at least be a little bit scary, but somehow the silence and darkness felt more relaxing than anything. It was also pretty amazing when my aunt and I detoured away from the trail and explored a little cave on our own. We couldn't make it very far inside before it was all water, but it was so neat to watch the walls sparkled and find a cave salamander and some crickets and lots of frogs.

Speaking of frogs... I also watched one of the other girls on the camping trip chase a frog straight into a snake's waiting mouth. So traumatizing to watch the snake gulp down the poor little frog that wouldn't have died if I hadn't seen it and pointed it out to the other girl...

Oh, and I cannot forget the biggest adventure of hitting a deer on the way down. I was in the passengers seat and got to sit and watch as my windshield suddenly turned brown for a second. Lots of damage to the driver's car, but neither of us were hurt which was definitely a blessing.

Beautiful hikes, indescribable devotions in the sunlight every morning, and breath taking stars. I even got to see a lunar eclipse. All in all a very good camping trip, even with the disappointment that came right before, when my brother wasn't allowed to fly alone from Mexico to come and spend the week with me. I really miss my family, and it's been so long since I've seen any of them. It was so hard to hear that my brother wasn't coming after weeks of looking forward to seeing him.

Unfortunately, while I did write several pages worth of words, nothing worth showing anyone. I still have all of these ideas for the upcoming Equity Blue, but something is still holding me back from writing it. Maybe it's all the uncertainties and changing aspects of my life. It's hard to write when I'll be in a different state every week for the next few weeks.

Which brings me to wonderful news- I'm going to Chicago!!! I get to spend a week up in Chicago with my boyfriend and his family and some other families that used to go to my school in Mexico. I cannot wait to see some familiar faces from Mexico and spend some time with friends. And, of course, I am excited beyond words to see my boyfriend again after months of rare Skype calls and some emails and lots of Facebook messages passed back and forth as I moved from country to country. Five more days until I get to see him in person!! I cannot wait!

So not much happening in the pages for me right now, but a lot of adventure outside of them.

Summer Sun

It's raining today. Not pouring down rain, but a calm, steady rain that actually has raindrops, unlike the rain in England. It's the kind of day that makes me want to curl up with a book and a cup of tea. Oh wait, I already did that for several hours this morning.

However, most days this summer have been sunny and humid and warm. It's been a relaxing summer so far, a nice slowing down of life after the crazy excitement of my Europe travels. I know it's just a lull though, ready to jump right back up as soon as August hits and I have to go off to college. Or get to. Or something.

I decided that I probably should update, because life has slowed down but certainly hasn't stopped since returned to this side of the world. I have been enjoying the company of my wonderful grandparents and my aunt and uncle and cousin, and even though this is just a small part of my family and there's a bit of a hole where all the other members should be and aren't, it has certainly been great to be here.

Fourth of July seemed to have taken up the last two or three weeks, with fireworks and firecrackers going off every night from 9-12 or later, and lots of picnics with way too much good food. People at Capernwray talked about gaining Cape pounds because of all the potatoes, but somehow there my pants kept getting looser. Not anymore. Then again, that may have just as much to do with the fact that now I'm actually washing clothes since I don't have to pay ridiculous amounts of money for laundry.

Sunday was the church picnic from my grandparents' church, and I had a lot of fun running around the playground pretending to be a kid again with my cousin and some of his friends. The day before I also 'played' tennis and badminton and volleyball and ping-pong- and somehow every game ended with everyone just acting ridiculous and basically just throwing or hitting whatever ball in any and every direction and laughing. Am I really that bad at sports that it's not even possible to attempt an actual game of anything? Apparently, but it is much more entertaining to laugh and forget about the idea of competition anyway.

Unfortunately, as far as writing goes- free time actually seems to hinder my writing effort. I mean, I wrote so much more when I was busy. I wrote Shadow Whispers while finishing up my junior year of highschool while taking three AP classes along with the normal ones, and when I attempting my poem a day for April I wrote so many poems while travelling. It's like I write best when I know there's something else I should be doing instead of writing. Now that I have an entire day basically free to do whatever I want, I just can't motivate myself to go write anything. I wrote fifty-one poems in April but have written two in July. It doesn't make any sense!

Although, now that I think about it, the fact that I'm reading A Tree Grows in Brooklyn may have something to do with it, since I find it incredibly hard to set down that book. In fact I can hear it calling to me right now... 

Post-Capernwray Culture Shock

I don't know why I thought that three months in Europe wouldn't make such a huge impact on my life. I expected some changes, sure, but I had not realized that Capernwray, my British home for two months, would actually become a home and would steal quite a big piece of my heart.

Now I'm back across the ocean, though not back in Mexico with my parents, brother and no longer existing bedroom. Instead I have a summer with my grandparents, aunt, and cousin, which so far has been fantastic. Not that it's been very long, it's only been four days since I left Europe behind. However, it turns out that three days are enough for some culture shock and some readjustment after Capernwray life.

So without further ado: some things I miss about Capernwray.

1. Tea! Yeah, yeah, I know I can get tea here. But there's something about knowing I'll have four cups of some hot drink every day. I love chai tea, but I'll always have a place in my heart for plain English tea with a little bit of milk.

2. Turning on outlets and adapters. I had a while to wait in the airport, and it sure was strange to not find an on and off switch next to the outlet. And having to take the adapter off of my computer lead... it's just weird.

3. Lifts and Cues. I finally managed to stick my brain full of all this English vocabulary. Now I don't know what to say anymore. "Where's the... um, yeah, bathrooms, that's what they are here!"

4. Digestives and Porridge. I never liked oatmeal, but I got so used to eating porridge every morning for breakfast and now I'm in withdrawal. And those little packages of fruit flavoured oatmeal just don't taste as good. I need to learn how to make my own! And digestives, do I need to say any more? I just miss digestives.

5. Katy Perry's Birthday Song and Midnight Dance Parties. I think I hated this song so much that I had no choice but to love it. I mean, we heard it enough as it was, but with all three of my roommates having birthdays this song just seemed to be playing non-stop. And our dance raves were just awesome in every way. We love you Conference Hall 13!

6. Green fields and sheep. Growing up, I was always shocked by how green Indiana was. It always seemed so bright and so vibrant. But now... I don't think anywhere can compare to how green England was. And I do miss those obnoxiously loud sheep in some small way, though I prefer Indiana's squirrels and rabbits.

7. Other Nationalities. I love my family here so much, but I do miss my Capernwray Family Group and Interactive Group. It's sad not to sit at a table and hear people speaking in German or Korean, and I miss talking about Australia and Philippines and Japan and Argentina and New Zealand or comparing Nursery Rhymes in Germany, Ireland, the USA and Canada.

8. Pre-Planned Outfits. Getting dressed at Capernwray was easy. Maroon Monday, Stripes on Tuesday, on Wednesday we wear Pink, Theme Thursday, Freaky Friday, Saturday was usually free and Sunday was dress day.

9. Nail Painting on Tuesdays. I loved my group of Capernwray friends so much, and Tuesday was always a highlight of my week when we got together and painted nails and usually laughed way too much. I did get a little bit better at painting someone else's nails, but I'm still pretty bad...

Obviously there are way more things I miss about Capernwray and a lot of things that I'm still readjusting to. Yes, I still have no idea what side of the road I'm supposed to walk on. "Wait, why is the car driving that direction on that side?" And it always throws me off in restaurants when I read chips and french fries. It takes a while to remember which is which. Oh, and I definitely miss parties in the Beehive whenever we had something to celebrate or something accomplished or something sad or something upsetting. And I miss my extra meals, coffee break and supper. And I don't know what meals are supposed to be called. Right... tea time isn't actually a thing over here.

But, as I've said a thousand times before, it's all part of the adventure. I'm learning and figuring it out, and storing up stories and experiences for all those novels that will come along someday. Thank you Capernwray, for all the things you gave me to miss. 

Countries and Castles

I spent the last five days in Sweden, with a little bit of Denmark thrown in, and it has been incredible. I am so blessed to have been able to come on this trip and see a little bit more of the world. I can't believe the stories I have to tell and the little bits of knowledge that I've picked up from each country.

Now my trip is coming to an end, and while a part of me will miss Europe and all the adventure, I'm ready to move on, back over the ocean, to see what God has planned out for me next. I'll have a couple of months with my grandparents, and I'm excited to see them again after a year apart.

But enough on leaving. I'll write out a highlight of Sweden and one for Denmark.

Sweden: Nimis!

This place was incredible. Read About It Here! So basically, just in case you're too lazy to read the entire Wikipedia article, an artist built these structures out of driftwood in the middle of a national reserve. There has been a lot of legal debate, and somewhere in the process the artist declared this place to be a micro-nation. Anyway, it was such a strange and fascinating story, and such a cool place to see. It was like a giant playground for everyone, and I had so much fun climbing up the towers and trying to avoid getting scratched by the nails sticking out all over or getting splinters.

Denmark: Hamlet's Castle!

I did try to read Hamlet before going, but only managed to read the first two acts and a summary before we went. Still, I know enough about Shakespeare and Hamlet that it was so cool to see the castle the play was based off of, and to hear about the actual kings who lived there. Plus, it's a castle, and castle's are basically always awesome. I especially liked the ballroom, which was huge, and the underground rooms where the soldiers lived, even if it was freezing down there. But yeah, such a beautiful building with so much history and a fantastic view from the castle windows.

Basically, this last adventure has been great, and I do recommend Sweden to anyone looking to travel. Just make sure that if you're ever in Sweden or Denmark or anywhere nearby that you stop to look at Nimis! 

Following My Heroes

The problem with running off following adventure is that finding time to write about the adventure is practically impossible. But seeing as for the moment I don't need to Skype anyone and I kind of partly have the next stretch of travel from Oxford to Sweden planned out, it seems a good time for a blog post.

First of all, can I just point out that I'm in Oxford? Yeah, yeah, like the University, but mostly like the place where Lewis and Tolkien lived and taught and walked... Amazing. 

So many little carvings all over the walls and ceilings of all the buildings!

This city is incredible, with architecture that takes my breath away and so many complex and intricate buildings. Me and my traveling companion have kind of accidentally run into several places used in the filming of Harry Potter, which is definitely exciting. I cannot wait to get back and watch all the movies again, just so I can point and say: "I've been there!" Nacho Libre's not the only movie set I can say I've been to anymore.
Anyway, back to the point: this city is so beautiful! There is so much history carved into the buildings and I can just feel all of it in the air as I walk through the streets. Plus, it's time for examinations, so the Oxford students from several colleges are walking or riding their bicycles through the city wearing black gowns with carnations in their pockets and their sharp, erudite black and white uniforms. I can only imagine what it would be like to actually study in a place like this.

Christ Church. No wonder movies are filmed here.

So far I've been to Keble College, Christ Church, and a bit of the New College, and each college is breath-taking. I'm hoping to get in a few more colleges before we leave on Friday. We even attended the Sung Evensong at Christ Church Cathedral on Tuesday, which wasn't quite as impressive as the service at Westminster Abbey, but still pretty cool. Plus, we've done a lot of walking around, taking photos, shopping, trying to find the cheapest ways to eat, sliding through museums, and a little bit of getting purposely lost in order to see more. It's wonderful.

Radcliffe Camera, apparently one of the most photographed buildings in Oxford. I can understand why, plus the fact that it sneaks into the backgrounds of pictures of other buildings nearby...

And, did I mention? This is where Lewis and Tolkien formed the Inklings and met in pubs to discuss their writing. I dropped into the Eagle and Child pub and took pictures and stood and marveled, but the food was too expensive for me to justify eating there. However, across the street the Lamb and the Flag was also used by the Inklings, and I managed to afford a nice ham sandwich. Then I just sat in the pub and wrote out four pages of my thoughts as my mind wrapped around the fact that I was sitting in the very place that Lewis and Tolkien read their stories. So incredibly unbelievable. I just cannot hold in how excited I am to be in the place where my heroes actually lived.

Eagle and Child. I am still amazed.

Tomorrow I'm planning on finding the Kilns, where Lewis lived, and then Holy Trinity Church to see his grave. I'm so excited to follow him even more and see how many of his words will drip down and influence my own writing and my own stories. I can just feel the creativity in this place (did I mention Lewis Carrol was also an Oxford don? Lots of Alice in Wonderland exhibits in all the museums) and I am quite sure my writing can only improve as I result of being here.

This was inside the Eagle and Child, so of course when we got back at night we watched the first half of the Lord of the Rings and went crazy when this part actually came up.

Bonus: today I had the most interesting conversations back at the house where we're staying. It began as a sort of conversation against the Bible, though without any time for me to answer the questions being asked, or at least not enough time to answer them well. Then it became a conversation about my family, and about camps, and then the ice cream truck drove by and I smiled at the music and was treated to an amazing Cadbury ice cream cone.
Later in the day a French man living in Germany arrived to stay in another room here, and we all talked for hours about language and education and politics and immigration and travel and culture and even culture shock. Such a great conversation and it kind of made me realize that I am in fact an adult now and can not only listen in on but be a major part of a conversation like that. I mean, usually as soon as it's a serious conversation all I can do is listen, but this time I actually had just as much to add to the conversation as anyone else. More memories and information to store in my "future novels" room in my Mind Palace.

And to end, a lovely picture of me and Smaug.

How to be Courageous

Goodbyes suck. There you have it, the truth of the matter. And I have had to say more goodbyes in my life than should be possible.
I remember when I was little I had this one friend I would have sleepovers with all the time, and when my mom came to pick us up we would run and hide so that we wouldn't have to say goodbye. I'm sure that our mothers didn't much appreciate that.

Hiding out in some awesome ruins near Capernwray. I believe it was the old game keeper's house for Capernwray Hall.

Unfortunately, most goodbyes I can't hide from. I left Capernwray Bible School yesterday morning, but only after a full night of watching the people I've come to love so much drifting away one by one. I have to admit that my emotions kind of shut down during the goodbyes. I just knew that I couldn't handle any tears. It felt like if I let myself cry even a single drop I would just keep crying forever. I mean, I already said goodbyes three months ago to Oaxaca, Mexico and all my amazing friends there, and then two weeks later I had to say goodbye to my sister again.

Goodbye Capernwray Hall. You'll have a piece of my heart forever.

However, I believe that one form of courage is the courage to life every moment to the fullest, and I decided to try my best to be courageous. After all, so many of my goodbyes are not permanent. How many times have I said goodbye to someone thinking I would never see them again, but years later I find myself saying hello to them again? Lots.

Besides, we live in a world that is all connected, where I can open Facebook and see statuses posted from Korea, Ecuador, Uganda, Kenya, Asia, all over the USA and Mexico, just to name a few. I have relatively easy access to Skype and Emails and it is still possible to send hand-written letters, which are so amazing to receive. (Thanks my favorite sister, the only person who got on the ball and sent me mail while I was here in England. And she sent two letters.)

I'll miss tea when I leave England. Somehow drinking tea won't be the same if it's not scheduled into the day. I had at least three cups of tea or coffee ever day while at Capernwray, I think I'm going to go through tea withdrawal now that I'm travelling. Oh wait, the hotel has tea... I'll survive another three days at least.

So in the words of my sometimes extremely poetic boyfriend: "I prefer to think of it as more of a goodnight, going somewhere else, to have some more epic adventures, but waking up to find that person still there. And if we're lucky, we might just find them in our goodnights along with our goodmornings." 
I've had to say goodnight to Capernwray, but I can't wait to see when and where I find myself meeting up with the people I got so close to here in England to share some goodmornings. All I can say is that sometime there must be a tour of Canada, because Capernwray was overflowing with Canadians, and also that I am praying like crazy that God will someday bring me back to Europe somehow. 

Getting my certificate of completion for finishing the course. :)

For now I am going to take the advice of one of my amazing Capernwray friends in a letter she wrote me with instructions not to read it until I had left Capernwray. So I read it in a hotel near London and was so touched by her sweet words. She said that she admired the way I life day by day and life every moment fully, so today I'm going to push all the past and future stuff away and enjoy today. I will do my best to forget about travel stress and forget about goodbyes and forget about missing home and forget about college and forget about getting a job and I am going to enjoy London! 

I think our main plan for the day is to relax in Hyde Park and read and write, which sounds so amazing. I am so excited for round two of London, since honestly my day in London before going to school didn't leave that great of an impression. But it was Good Friday and the city was packed, and all we did was see the major tourist stuff that seen from a distance really doesn't look any different than it would seen from a photograph. But now I get to see London again with an awesome group of people and less of a schedule and with more time. So London... here I come.

After our 6.5 hour coach ride from Capernwray to London I ate sandwiches with two of my closest friends on the sidewalk because we couldn't find a nice place to sit, and then I had to say goodbye to one of my best friends for what felt like the hundredth time. I hope it's not too long before we meet up again in the next country.

Washing Machine Life

Everything is changing.
My oh my how that little sentence has been true over the last couple of weeks. I've watched, from England, as all of my classmates graduate and get ready to go all over the world. It's so strange to think that all of those people will no longer be in the same place, that even if I went 'back' I could never go back. Everything is changed now.

So after a few days of panic over the fact that my friends have all graduated and moved or will move soon and then panic over the fact that I'm not going home after this and won't ever live at home again and then panic of "why in the world am I going to college in a state where I don't know anyone?" Honestly, though, what prompted me to go so far away?

I still can't believe this is where I've been going to school!

Then again, I am in England right now, and it's even further away than Vermont will be. And while one of my friends followed me here from Oaxaca, I did still come here alone. So I don't know why college seems so much more daunting.

Yeah, I guess the pictures don't really have anything to do with my post, but open doorway, you know, like a door to my future...

But that's the big abstract change that sometimes seems unconnected from my life, like I'm watching it happen to someone else. Right now the change is the end of Bible School coming up in just one week. I know I've done a terrible job at updating everyone, but these two months really have been incredible. It will be hard to leave, but I am so excited to see how I can take everything that has been poured into me during my time here and then turn it into the rest of my life.

And road to the future...

I'm trying to think of some highlights from the time here. Elephant Table Tennis was definitely fun, when a group of us played the most ridiculous table tennis ever and could not stop laughing. Parties in the Beehive are also fantastic, eating chocolate and gummy bears when we're upset about something or when we have some reason to celebrate. Reading my novel out loud to one of my friends here has also definitely been a highlight.

So many sheep here!

Of course I've also loved all of the lectures and spending time alone with the creator of all of this fantastic greenery and watching the British sunset fall over the hills. I am amazed at what God has done during this time, and I pray that as I move through a world that's spinning around and changing way too quickly for me, that I will be able to continue to grow and learn and store all of these stories for my future novels.

I went to the Pencil Museum in Keswick. How random is that? I didn't know pencils came from Keswick England.

I just need to focus on the adventure and forget the fear.

There is beauty everywhere as long as I remember to look for it.