June 14, 2014

How to be Courageous

Goodbyes suck. There you have it, the truth of the matter. And I have had to say more goodbyes in my life than should be possible.
I remember when I was little I had this one friend I would have sleepovers with all the time, and when my mom came to pick us up we would run and hide so that we wouldn't have to say goodbye. I'm sure that our mothers didn't much appreciate that.
Hiding out in some awesome ruins near Capernwray. I believe it was the old game keeper's house for Capernwray Hall.

Unfortunately, most goodbyes I can't hide from. I left Capernwray Bible School yesterday morning, but only after a full night of watching the people I've come to love so much drifting away one by one. I have to admit that my emotions kind of shut down during the goodbyes. I just knew that I couldn't handle any tears. It felt like if I let myself cry even a single drop I would just keep crying forever. I mean, I already said goodbyes three months ago to Oaxaca, Mexico and all my amazing friends there, and then two weeks later I had to say goodbye to my sister again.
Goodbye Capernwray Hall. You'll have a piece of my heart forever.

However, I believe that one form of courage is the courage to life every moment to the fullest, and I decided to try my best to be courageous. After all, so many of my goodbyes are not permanent. How many times have I said goodbye to someone thinking I would never see them again, but years later I find myself saying hello to them again? Lots.

Besides, we live in a world that is all connected, where I can open Facebook and see statuses posted from Korea, Ecuador, Uganda, Kenya, Asia, all over the USA and Mexico, just to name a few. I have relatively easy access to Skype and Emails and it is still possible to send hand-written letters, which are so amazing to receive. (Thanks my favorite sister, the only person who got on the ball and sent me mail while I was here in England. And she sent two letters.)
I'll miss tea when I leave England. Somehow drinking tea won't be the same if it's not scheduled into the day. I had at least three cups of tea or coffee ever day while at Capernwray, I think I'm going to go through tea withdrawal now that I'm travelling. Oh wait, the hotel has tea... I'll survive another three days at least.

So in the words of my sometimes extremely poetic boyfriend: "I prefer to think of it as more of a goodnight, going somewhere else, to have some more epic adventures, but waking up to find that person still there. And if we're lucky, we might just find them in our goodnights along with our goodmornings." 
I've had to say goodnight to Capernwray, but I can't wait to see when and where I find myself meeting up with the people I got so close to here in England to share some goodmornings. All I can say is that sometime there must be a tour of Canada, because Capernwray was overflowing with Canadians, and also that I am praying like crazy that God will someday bring me back to Europe somehow. 

Getting my certificate of completion for finishing the course. :)
For now I am going to take the advice of one of my amazing Capernwray friends in a letter she wrote me with instructions not to read it until I had left Capernwray. So I read it in a hotel near London and was so touched by her sweet words. She said that she admired the way I life day by day and life every moment fully, so today I'm going to push all the past and future stuff away and enjoy today. I will do my best to forget about travel stress and forget about goodbyes and forget about missing home and forget about college and forget about getting a job and I am going to enjoy London! 

I think our main plan for the day is to relax in Hyde Park and read and write, which sounds so amazing. I am so excited for round two of London, since honestly my day in London before going to school didn't leave that great of an impression. But it was Good Friday and the city was packed, and all we did was see the major tourist stuff that seen from a distance really doesn't look any different than it would seen from a photograph. But now I get to see London again with an awesome group of people and less of a schedule and with more time. So London... here I come.
After our 6.5 hour coach ride from Capernwray to London I ate sandwiches with two of my closest friends on the sidewalk because we couldn't find a nice place to sit, and then I had to say goodbye to one of my best friends for what felt like the hundredth time. I hope it's not too long before we meet up again in the next country.

1 comment:

  1. The best hellos are the hardest goodbyes and I for one am thankful that I had something that made saying goodbye so hard.